3 Ways To Counteract Your 'Self-Limiting Beliefs'

Here's three ways to work towards the success that you well and truly deserve—without sabotaging it.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | October 21, 2024

Many people come to therapy with deeply ingrained beliefs they've held for years. They often say things like:

"Things always go wrong for me—there always has to be a catch. Good things never come easy to me."
"Why can't I just stop thinking for once and live? It's like I wasn't made like other people, like I'm not normal."
"No matter how hard I try or what I do, I never feel good about any of it. I never feel like it's good enough, like I'm good enough."

If any of these commonly held beliefs resonate with you, you're not alone. As the old adage goes—you don't get what you deserve; you get what you believe you deserve.

Self-limiting beliefs are thoughts individuals repeatedly tell themselves, which gradually become ingrained and turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. Over time, by constantly reinforcing these beliefs, one begins to accept them as truths.

They might unconsciously seek out evidence to confirm these beliefs, and each negative experience further strengthens the cycle. This ongoing pattern creates a loop where the belief is reinforced repeatedly, making it harder to break free.

Self-limiting beliefs are often rooted in childhood experiences or incorrect logic, shaping the way individuals perceive themselves and the world. By questioning the logic and truth behind these limiting beliefs, individuals can replace them with more empowering beliefs.

Here are three ways to transform your self-limiting beliefs.

1. Identify Your Limiting Beliefs

In her article published in BMJ, Anita Houghton, a coach and psychotherapist, explains how limiting beliefs shaped by early experiences and societal expectations create a gap between our values and actions, preventing us from reaching our potential.

The emotional state where people feel insecure, unworthy or not good enough is often where limiting beliefs about themselves begin to form.

"It is in this place of vulnerability and inadequacy that we build up a host of beliefs that limit us in our lives, and it is these that occupy the gap between what is important to us and where we focus our efforts," she explains.

Transforming these beliefs begins by identifying your self-imposed limitations and understanding how they influence your thoughts and behaviors. Here are some steps to help recognize them:

Pay attention to recurring negative thoughts. If you frequently think or say things like, "I'm not good enough" or "I'll never succeed," these repetitive statements may signal self-limiting beliefs.
Examine your self-talk. Listen to how you speak to yourself, especially during challenging situations. Are you overly critical or dismissive of your abilities?
Identify patterns of avoidance. Limiting beliefs often leads to avoidance behaviors, like procrastination, due to fear or doubt.
Reflect on past failures. Do you interpret failures as proof that you're incapable or unworthy? This is often a sign of a self-limiting belief.
Challenge feelings of being "stuck." If you feel unable to move forward in areas of your life, ask yourself what beliefs might be holding you back.

These steps will help you uncover hidden self-limiting beliefs that may be holding you back, allowing you to challenge and overcome them.

2. Gather Evidence To Disprove Them

Many of our limiting beliefs are shaped by external influences, such as family, friends, or past experiences. These beliefs can stem from a single adverse event or a repeated message that becomes internalized over time.

For example, if you believe, "I'm not good at public speaking," reflect on where that belief came from. Perhaps someone criticized a presentation you gave, and you internalized that as a truth.

By examining the source, you might realize that this belief is based on a misunderstood or isolated experience, not an accurate reflection of your abilities.

Once you recognize the belief's origin, challenge its validity. Consider questions like:

Is this belief based on facts, or is it an assumption or exaggeration?
Is there any concrete proof that I'm terrible at public speaking, or is it based on a couple of bad experiences?
Have there been times when I spoke in front of others and did well?

By gathering evidence, you may find that while you've had uncomfortable moments, you've also had successes in smaller settings. This evidence helps break down the belief that you're "bad" at something or "not good enough," instantly weakening its grip on you.

3. Reframe Your Beliefs To Transform Yourself

Another fundamental way to transform your limiting belief is to rephrase it into something empowering and positive that drives you toward your desired life rather than keeping you stuck. Here's how to reframe them:

Create a new, positive reframe. Once you recognize the belief isn't entirely true, replace it with a more balanced statement. For example, instead of saying, "I'm terrible at public speaking," reframe it as, "public speaking is challenging, but I'm improving with practice."
Use affirming language. Phrase your new belief in a positive way. Instead of focusing on past failures, focus on progress. For instance, say, "each time I speak, I gain more confidence and skill." This encourages growth and persistence.
Align the new belief with your goals. Ensure that the new belief supports your goals. For example, if you want to improve public speaking for your career, reframe your belief to say, "with practice, I can improve and become more confident speaking in front of others."

Eliminating self-limiting beliefs requires self-awareness. The next time a limiting belief arises, your awareness will help you rephrase it. With enough practice, this process will become second nature, allowing you to reach your full potential and achieve your goals.

Do you feel like negative thinking is dominating your mind? Take this test to find out: Perseverative Thinking Questionnaire

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.