3 Psychologist-Approved Ways Being A Little Selfish Can Improve Your Life
According to psychology, small acts of self-prioritization can prevent burnout and resentment.
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | December 29, 2025
We often see selflessness and sacrifice being praised in our lives. We celebrate the friend who drops everything to help us, the employee who stays late every night and the partner who consistently sacrifices their needs for the other. Being endlessly available is, understandably, seen as a virtue. Being selfish, on the other hand, can feel like a permanent demerit on your record.
There is, however, a darker side to this much celebrated prosocial quality. Chronic self-sacrifice often leads to burnout, resentment, emotional exhaustion and fractured relationships, especially when there is a lack of boundaries to protect oneself. When you give without replenishing your own energy, the cost eventually shows itself in your tone, your patience, your energy or your overall sense of self.
You can repair damages caused by self-sacrifice and even prevent further boundary violations by trying to put yourself first, especially in demanding relationships and situations. Of course, this doesn't mean that others shouldn't matter to you. It simply means that you matter, too, and your well-being shapes every relationship you're part of.
Here are three science-backed ways healthy selfishness is better for everyone.
1. Being A Little Selfish Improves Your Emotional Capacity
One of the most common traps of excessive altruism is emotional depletion. When we chronically ignore our own needs, such as our sleep, rest or emotional regulation, our capacity to show up for others shrinks dramatically.
Research on emotional labor and burnout clearly highlights that people who don't replenish their emotional energy are more likely to experience irritability, exhaustion and reduced empathy. A 2011 study published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology found that emotional laborers who suppress their feelings experience significantly higher burnout and lower emotional availability.
Self-care, in this sense, is a kind of selfishness that helps with maintenance and protects the boundaries of everyone involved. A great and frequently cited example of this kind of self-protection is the oxygen-mask rule on airplanes. In the case of an emergency, you wouldn't be able to help anyone if you're suffocating yourself. But when your emotional reservoir is full, you're more patient, compassionate and present for anyone else who might need your help.
Additionally, self-care also regulates your nervous system. The more rested, grounded and nourished you are, the more calmly you can respond to conflict, the more compassion you can offer and the more present you can be in your relationships.
2. Being A Little Selfish Fosters Respect And Clear Communication
Healthy selfishness often takes the form of boundaries, saying "no" when necessary, protecting your energy and acknowledging your limits. Far from damaging relationships, boundaries are one of the strongest predictors of relational health.
Self-determination theory establishes autonomy as a fundamental psychological need. As research on the theory published in American Psychologist shows, people are mentally healthiest when they can assert their needs without guilt.
When you communicate limits clearly by saying things like, "I can't take this on today," or, "I'm not available right now, but I can help tomorrow," you create predictability and trust. Partners, colleagues and friends benefit not from unlimited access to you, but from knowing where they stand and that you still care.
Without boundaries, relationships can become increasingly murky. Overextension often breeds resentment. Unexpressed expectations can lead to misunderstandings. Unspoken limits force you to suffer silently.
On the other hand, when you establish healthy boundaries, people understand how to love you better. Your partner knows exactly when you need space, your friends know how much you can realistically offer and your colleagues know what you can take on without burning out.
3. Being A Little Selfish Boosts Long-Term Productivity
No matter how much they might want to, people cannot be infinitely generous. If someone gives too much too fast, they will eventually give less, or stop giving altogether.
Studies on resource allocation demonstrate that people who overextend themselves in the short term experience long-term depletion, leading them to withdraw from helping behaviors. A 2020 study published in Frontiers in Psychology showed that positive giving is sustained when individuals maintain a balance between caring for themselves and helping others.
Being a little selfish makes space for your emotional and mental resources to replenish before you can use them meaningfully once again. You can do that by choosing to rest before doing another favor, prioritizing your goals before assisting colleagues or taking a few quiet minutes before engaging with your family. This isn't hoarding your energy, as some might suggest. You're simply managing it strategically so you can keep giving without collapsing.
How To Practice Being A 'Little Selfish'
Adam Grant's research on givers, takers and matchers reinforces the notion of give-and-take. Extreme givers who neglect their own needs burn out, while balanced givers who maintain boundaries become the most sustainably generous and impactful.
So, the next time you're wondering if someone or something is worth your time and energy, try to budget it like you would budget your money. While spending everything you have all at once for someone might feel generous, it will leave you with nothing for yourself. Managing your resources wisely leads to long-term prosperity and more to offer:
- Listen to your energy before you say 'yes.' Most people say "yes" out of habit, not real desire. Healthy selfishness, on the other hand, begins with a pause. Before responding to a request, first check in with yourself by asking simple questions like, "Do I have the energy for this?" or "Do I actually want to do this?" or "What will it cost me?" That moment of honesty prevents resentment later, and makes your actions more genuine.
- Say "no" clearly (without over-explaining). People-pleasers often attach long explanations to every "no," as if declining requires a courtroom defense. But over-explaining defeats the purpose of a refusal, and it trains others to expect justification for your needs. A simple, respectful, "I'm not available for that," or, "I can't take that on right now," is a complete statement. Clear boundaries invite clearer communication and more respect.
- Create one non-negotiable daily ritual. Self-care works best when it's consistent, not extravagant. Choose one daily habit that protects your well-being like a 10-minute walk, a quiet morning coffee, journaling or simply turning off notifications for certain hours in the day. When you make space for yourself every day, your emotional capacity expands naturally.
- Communicate your needs early, not after you're overwhelmed. Healthy selfishness means speaking up before you reach a breaking point. If you're uncomfortable with direct confrontation, you can start small by saying, "I need a little downtime before we talk," or "I'm at capacity today. Can we revisit this tomorrow?" Expressing your limits early keeps relationships smoother and more honest, and is kinder to everyone involved.
Being (a little) selfish is also a form of self-care. Take the science-backed Self-Care Inventory to know if you're doing it right.
Healthy selfishness is often about instinct and self-preservation. Which animal best reflects yours symbolically? Take the Guardian Animal Test to find out.
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.