3 Powerful Ways To Practice 'Micro-Romance' In Your Relationship

Science shows that love thrives not on grand gestures, but on consistent, thoughtful moments shared daily.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | November 7, 2025

Old school romance is long gone. We're now living in an era of flamboyant declarations of love, with regular candlelit dinners and lavish surprise trips being the center of it. But in truth, most lasting relationships aren't sustained by these loud exhibitions of love. They flourish in the quiet "we" moments: the shared intimate glances, the inside jokes, the cups of tea made just the way your partner likes it.

This is "micro-romance:" the art of sustaining love through small, intentional acts of emotional connection. It's less about doing something extraordinary, and more about doing the ordinary with awareness and affection. The difference, however, is that it isn't as performative as most other romantic gestures. Rather, it's perceptive.

Here are the three steps to making micro-romance the norm in your relationship.

1. Notice

We think that most couples fall out of love when the love fades. But what really happens is that they fall out of "noticing" each other.

In the early stages of love, noticing comes naturally to us. We remember how our partners take their coffee, the exact way they laugh or the way they furrow their brow when they're thinking deeply. But as time passes and routine sets in, attention shifts away to what feels like more important areas. The novelty wears off, and familiarity dulls perception.

Psychologically, this happens because of habituation. A 2019 study published in Frontiers in Psychology defines this as our brain's tendency to tune out familiar stimuli. What once caught our attention becomes just regular noise in the background. In this sense, to bring micro-romance back, you must learn to re-notice your partner.

This means intentionally paying attention to small details that often go unseen:

• The next time you sit together, observe one tiny thing about them that you may have missed lately. Perhaps it's the excitement they show when they talk about something they love, or how their face softens when you talk to them.
• Verbalize what you notice. Show your partner that you've been paying attention to them — for instance, by saying, "I love how your eyes light up when you talk about your work." Verbalizing your observations is a way of saying to your partner that you "see" them clearly. What results is a deep form of intimacy.

Paying attention to the little things is the key to keeping romance alive. In doing so, you're reminded of all the small reasons you fell in love with your partner in the first place.

2. Appreciate

Once you start noticing, the next step is appreciation. Appreciation, as we may think, is different from gratitude. Gratitude is about being thankful for what you receive; appreciation is about valuing what exists. It's the emotional habit of seeing the good in your partner, without waiting for them to do something special.

One of the most effective strategies to make a marriage last, according to relationship expert John Gottman, is maintaining a 5:1 ratio. The idea is to counter every negative interaction with five positive ones. Micro-appreciations are one of the simplest ways to sustain this ratio.

The idea is simple. Keep the focus small, while still being consistent and meaningful. For instance:

• Acknowledge their efforts, rather than just the outcomes. Say, "Thank you for cooking today," even if it's a simple meal. It counts more than you know it.
• Appreciate their presence in your life. Sending a text that says, "I love having you around when I'm tired, you make the room feel calmer," has more emotional weight than any emoji-laden "I love you."
• Make micro-thank-yous an everyday ritual. Before bed, share one thing you appreciated about your partner that day. It trains your mind to seek what's right, rather than what's missing.

The more often that you actively appreciate your partner, the quicker you'll learn how to find beauty in the most mundane, everyday moments with them.

3. Be Emotionally Present

If noticing is seeing and appreciation is valuing, then emotional presence is attuning. In relationships, presence means you make your love visible to your partner. It's what allows you to show up when your partner isn't at their best. This is also called "attunement."

Research on kinesthetic empathy — a movement-based program used with couples in conflict — explains this idea well. The study found that when partners engaged in coordinated, mindful movement, they developed stronger self-awareness and emotional attunement. By tuning into each other's gestures, rhythm and energy, they began to perceive one another's emotions and intentions more accurately. What they essentially learned is to feel together before they spoke.

Thankfully, emotional presence doesn't require long hours to practice. And as the research shows, it doesn't even require words. In most cases, it works very well with small, intentional acts of connection, such as:

• Small pauses. When your partner speaks, pause before replying. Let their words settle within your mind, and engage with them thoughtfully before responding. In those quiet moments between thinking and speaking, you listen.
• Small check-ins. If you get a generic answer when you ask your partner how their day was, consider probing a little deeper — about what happened, what made them happy, what frustrated them. This is one of the easiest yet most meaningful ways to show your partner that you care.
• Brief touch. When the moment allows for it, a gentle squeeze of the hand or a passing hug can soothe more deeply than an entire conversation ever could. This is because physical touch demands you, even just for a few moments, to be fully present with your partner.

The most fascinating part about micro-romantic gestures is that they often carry more emotional weight than typical romantic gestures do. Bouquets of flowers, dinner dates and jewelry are beloved gifts, but they're also predictable. Micro-romantic gestures, on the other hand, are what make partners feel safe in their relationship everyday, rather than just on special occasions.

With these small tokens of affection, we know that our partner is emotionally accessible and responsive. And when these micro-moments accumulate over time, they give rise to a more stable emotional, romantic and intimate climate in the relationship as a whole.

Want to learn how to successfully romance your partner ? Take this science-backed test to discover their language of love, as well as your own: Love Languages Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.