3 Pitfalls To Avoid If You Want A Lasting Relationship

Complacency can be a death sentence for a loving relationship. Here's three ways to avoid it.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | January 06, 2025

Maintaining a long-term relationship can be deeply rewarding. Yet, even the most loving partnerships can face recurring issues that can strain their bond if left unaddressed.

In a 2020 study published in Evolutionary Psychology, researchers conducted in-depth interviews with individuals who had significant experience with intimate relationships and discovered why many couples find it challenging to sustain long-term relationships.

Here are three of the most pressing challenges that come up for couples long-term, according to the study.

1. Their Enthusiasm For The Relationship Fades

In some relationships, the initial feelings of excitement, romance and passion can wane over time, leaving couples feeling stuck in a rut. Researchers found that, for many participants, this was the most challenging aspect of maintaining a long-term connection.

Common sentiments include finding the relationship's routine tiring, getting bored quickly and feeling impatient. However, the "honeymoon phase" does not truly have to end, and enthusiasm can be reignited through intentional effort.

To overcome this challenge, try taking the following steps:

• Keep dating each other. Continue to invest in your relationship by planning regular dates and paying attention to each other's love languages. Remember, you can only sustain a romantic spark by fanning the flame.
• Bring novelty into your routine. Research shows that having new experiences as a couple can create excitement and enhance trust and relationship satisfaction. Whether it's cooking a new dish or exploring a new hiking trail, novelty is key.
• Reconnect daily. Take time out each day, even if it's a minute, to sit and reconnect with each other. You can make eye contact, hold hands, talk or show affection. This small but consistent habit builds and preserves intimacy.

While it's human to be drawn to novelty, we may feel that our boredom with our routine translates into boredom with our relationship, even if the connection is otherwise fulfilling. Sometimes, you do not need to change the person you're with, but the circumstances you're in. Changing your approach can breathe new life into a connection that's worth nurturing.

To avoid fading enthusiasm, it's important to build a solid foundation for your relationship, rather than relying on passion and physical attraction to fuel your love. Assess compatibility early on by discussing core values, learning your partner's emotional responses to different types of situations and spending lots of quality time together to gauge how you both feel and function together.

You can also build up your relationship in its later stages by tapping into what brought you together in the first place. Of course, it's also possible that you discover deeper incompatibilities with a partner, and it's important to honor these realizations and re-evaluate your connection if needed.

2. They Work Too Much

Many participants found that working long hours could deeply strain their relationships. They'd often find themselves prioritizing their career over their relationship, which leaves little to no time for their partner, who in turn can feel neglected.

Research on dual-earner couples shows that workaholism can negatively impact relationship satisfaction, leading to more work-family conflict and to offering lower levels of support to one's partner, which has damaging effects on a relationship.

To overcome this, reflect on how your work-life balance—or lack thereof— impacts your relationship. Ask yourself—Am I really fulfilled by this arrangement? If not, consider taking the following steps:

• Reevaluate your priorities. Reflect on your work schedule and why you may be overemphasizing work in your life. Can you cut back, delegate tasks or adjust your schedule? Sometimes, even small shifts in how you manage your time can create opportunities for deeper connection.
• Aim for quality over quantity. When time is limited, spend it mindfully. Focus on the quality of your interactions with your partner, put away any distractions and create opportunities for intimacy, such as making dinner together, watching and discussing each other's favourite films and expressing gratitude regularly for what you both bring to the relationship.

Remember, there's a difference between simply co-existing and truly sharing a life together. When you let a partner in emotionally, share your thoughts and feelings openly and take even the smallest opportunities to spend time together and appreciate each other, it can have a lasting positive impact.

3. They Crave More Personal Time And Space

Feeling constrained in a relationship is a common issue. A relationship only thrives when both individuals feel supported in their autonomy while cherishing their connection. Participants found that when they felt oppressed, controlled, needed more personal space or felt tired of constantly reporting their whereabouts, it negatively impacted their relationship.

In addition, a partner's clinginess can exacerbate these feelings if they become easily dependent, jealous or controlling, expect too much or constantly prioritize their partner's needs over their own. This creates a lack of physical and emotional space in the relationship that can be stifling for their partner.

Additionally, when you experience a lack of personal time and space in relationships, you may also need to address your own schedule to notice why there isn't any time for you in it. Taking ownership of your time can be empowering and healing for your relationships. Ask yourself, are you having trouble saying no to others who seek your time and space, or are you spending the time you do have in an unfulfilling way?

To move past this, both partners must reflect on their individual needs and behaviors to strike a healthy balance between togetherness and independence.

Here are a few ways to enhance personal autonomy in a relationship:

• Own your time. Evaluate whether your lack of time stems from external obligations or personal choices. Reintroduce activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and treat them as non-negotiable. This can also help you be a more present partner.
• Set boundaries with each other. Discuss healthy boundaries with your partner to ensure both of you have time for yourselves. These conversations can be tough but are vital to avoid resentment. Without them, nothing changes.
• Address clinginess. A partner who feels overly dependent should explore what drives their behavior—whether it's insecurity, a fear of abandonment or unmet personal needs. Therapy can be a valuable tool for understanding and addressing these dynamics.

Long-lasting love isn't about avoiding these challenges—it's about facing them together and cultivating a growth mindset in your relationship. Whether it's reigniting passion, carving out quality time or finding space for personal growth, each obstacle presents an opportunity for deeper connection. After all, love is not just something you have; it's something you build and work towards every single day.

Do you find it challenging to give your partner the space they need in a relationship? Take this research-backed test to find out: Anxious Attachment Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.