The Single Trait That Can Make Or Break Your Relationship

This characteristic may be more crucial than love when it comes to making a relationship work. Here's what it is, as well as three reasons why it's so important.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | November 11, 2024

We often focus on serious qualities—like commitment, compatibility, and compromise—that feel weighty enough to support long-term connection. But a shared sense of humor creates a powerful bond that lets couples reconnect with playfulness, counter stress and find levity in the midst of life's complexities. It fosters a deeper sense of companionship, helping partners face challenges with a sense of unity and positivity that few other traits can match.

While qualities like empathy or communication build the groundwork, humor is the secret ingredient that keeps those elements alive and vibrant over time. Couples who laugh together regularly enjoy each other's company in a way that's relaxed, authentic and even a bit childlike, allowing for a playful curiosity in their shared life. This joy becomes a powerful antidote to life's pressures, enhancing resilience and bolstering mental well-being for each person in the relationship.

If laughter feels less essential than other aspects of a relationship, it's because humor doesn't solve problems directly—it improves the way we experience those problems, reframing difficulties with kindness and softening emotional edges.

Here's why humor deserves a central place in any long-term relationship, and how to make it a habit for lasting love.

1. Humor Is Your "Reset Button" During Conflict

Disagreements are natural in any relationship, but humor can be a powerful tool for diffusing tension. Couples who can laugh together in the midst of an argument—perhaps a quick smile at the absurdity of the situation—have a built-in "reset button" that allows them to calm down and see each other with compassion. A well-timed joke or light-hearted remark can bring a welcome pause, reminding each partner that they're on the same team.

Humor acts as a release valve, helping couples cool off and reconnect emotionally before issues escalate. In fact, according to a study published in Europe's Journal of Psychology, positive humor from both partners can lead to more constructive conflict resolution.

Next time you're caught in a disagreement, try a lighthearted, funny remark or make a silly face to lighten the atmosphere. It won't solve the issue, but it will give you both a moment to reset and regain perspective.

2. Humor Creates Lasting, Positive Memories

When couples share joyful moments, they create positive "emotional anchors" that remind them why they chose each other. These memories are like little love deposits, adding resilience and warmth to the relationship even during tough times. When life feels monotonous or challenging, reminiscing on shared laughs can reignite that spark.

Positive shared memories are like a savings account for the relationship. The more you "deposit," the stronger your relationship's foundation becomes. Researchers have found that the time couples spent laughing together was significantly linked to higher evaluations of relationship quality, closeness and perceived social support, even when accounting for other forms of laughter.

Build a "library" of inside jokes or funny memories that you can revisit. These shared moments can keep things fresh and remind you both of your bond.

3. Humor Helps You Embrace Each Other's Imperfections

In a long-term relationship, it's easy to get hung up on each other's quirks and flaws. Humor can be the antidote, helping couples accept each other's imperfections with grace and compassion. Those who share a laugh about minor annoyances instead of letting them build up become more authentic and accepting of one another. Humor encourages both partners to let go of unrealistic expectations and simply enjoy each other.

Researchers at the University of Granada found that people who use self-defeating humor tend to have higher psychological well-being, especially in terms of happiness and, to a lesser extent, sociability. Couples who can laugh together about their quirks tend to be more forgiving and less judgmental, fostering a deeper sense of safety in the relationship.

When you notice a small annoyance, try turning it into a joke. A playful comment can take the edge off and help you both see these quirks as part of what makes you unique as a couple.

4. Humor Acts As A Buffer Against Life's Stressors

Life is serious enough with work stress, family responsibilities, health issues all weighing on us. But humor serves as a quick, accessible coping mechanism. It's a way to decompress and enjoy a mental break from stress. Couples who can laugh together find it easier to support one another, creating a buffer that helps them stay united even under pressure.

Over time, life's pressures can chip away at a relationship's closeness. Humor, however, helps couples unwind together, making it easier to face challenges without feeling overwhelmed. A 2020 study in PLOS One also found that frequent laughter reduces the impact of stressful events, underscoring humor's valuable buffering effect in relationships.

Make unwinding together a routine, like watching a funny show, sharing amusing stories or even browsing funny videos. These light moments serve as mini-escapes from life's demands, helping keep stress at bay.

5. Humor Adds Playfulness To Everyday Life

Routine is inevitable in any relationship, but humor can transform ordinary moments into memorable ones. Couples who regularly bring laughter into daily interactions—whether by sharing a laugh over a minor mishap or adding humor to chores—find their relationship remains lively and enjoyable.

When partners genuinely enjoy each other's company, they reinforce the bond that initially brought them together. A 2019 study published in the Journal of Research in Personality found that "other-directed playfulness"—which includes making jokes, playful teasing and fun activities with a partner—and "intellectual playfulness"—involving lighthearted, engaging conversations—are both linked to higher relationship satisfaction.

Other-directed playfulness strengthens emotional bonds through shared laughter, while Intellectual playfulness fosters deeper connections through enjoyable discussions. Together, these forms of playfulness contribute to a more positive, fulfilling relationship.

Add humor to your daily routines in small ways, like leaving funny notes, creating playful nicknames or sharing lighthearted jokes. These little acts create a sense of fun around even the simplest moments, keeping your connection strong and vibrant.

In essence, while love is the foundation of any relationship, humor is the secret ingredient that keeps the flame alive. It infuses joy, resilience and warmth into the connection between partners. Ultimately, couples who share laughter are more likely to stay together, as they cultivate a unique perspective that allows them to view life—and each other—with lightness, acceptance and delight. When laughter fills the air, relationships can flourish, even amidst life's inevitable storms.

Does your relationship have the buoyancy of humor? Take the Relationship Satisfaction Scale and receive science-backed results.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.