Non-Monogamous Couples Are Living Their Best Lives—Here's Why

Despite their unorthodoxy, non-monogamous couples are thriving. Here's why, and how their relationships come to be.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | June 17, 2024

Non-monogamous relationships have been gaining interest and popularity among people looking for love. A 2021 Frontiers In Psychology study revealed that among a sample of over 3000 single US based adults, 1 in 6 desired to engage in polyamory, 1 in 9 had engaged in some form of polyamory at some point in their lives and 1 in 15 knew someone who had previously engaged in or were currently involved in a polyamorous arrangement.

These involve consensual non-traditional relationships with multiple partners and different arrangements for romantic, sexual or emotional connections. Such relationships can take on many different forms, including open relationships, polyamory and "swinging."

An extensive literature review by Virginia Tech researchers Shivangi Gupta, Mari Tarantino and Caroline Sanner published in the Journal of Family Theory and Review in November highlights how non-monogamous relationships are perceived to be more "promiscuous," "perverted" and "untrustworthy" than monogamous ones. Such relationships, the review suggests, are also viewed as "unsustainable" and "prone to jealousy." However, the glaring question remains—why are non-traditional relationships gaining popularity and flourishing despite unfavorable perceptions?

The following antecedents and consequences of non-monogamy help account for their surge, according to the study.

1. Why Do People Choose Non-Monogamy?

Several factors act as precursors to individuals preferring to stray from conventional relationship structures, according to the review.

1. Sexual demographics. People who are white, younger, members of sexual minority groups, non-binary or transgender are more likely to seek out non-monogamous relationships.
2. Value-based differences. Individuals who perceive an abundance in romantic alternatives and hold liberal political and religious views are more open to breaking traditional relationship norms.
3. Personality differences also seem to be aiding the evolving relationship paradigm.Individuals high in openness exhibit a greater desire for non-traditional relationships, showcasing a preference for variety, change and new experiences.
4. Unfulfilled needs also encourage individuals to gain diversity in their romantic lives. A 2020 study published in Current Sexual Health Reports found that 42% of participants believed their non-monogamous relationships provided the benefits of diversified need fulfillment. For instance, an individual in a hierarchical polyamorous relationship might enjoy more commitment, satisfaction and better communication from their primary partner. Secondary partners might offer more passion and sexual satisfaction.

2. What Do People Get From Non-Monogamy?

Non-monogamous relationships owe their popularity, in part, to the positive relationship and sexual outcomes they yield.

Individuals in non-monogamous relationships experience greater satisfaction and commitment than their monogamous counterparts. Non-traditional relationships result in greater satisfaction—boasting better communication, and more openness and need fulfillment than conventional relationships.A 2015 study published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy found that adults aged 55 and above were happier in non-exclusive, unconventional relationships compared to those in monogamous relationships. Non-monogamous older adults also reported more sexual frequency and better health than their traditional counterparts.

Clearly, non-monogamy also has an impact on sexual outcomes. Individuals in non-monogamous relationships felt more sexually satisfied than individuals involved in monogamous relationships. Interestingly, a 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that the type of non-monogamous relationship individuals engage in significantly influences their level of sexual satisfaction.

Individuals in open relationships—having more than one sexual or romantic partner at a time—felt as sexually satisfied as individuals in monogamous relationships. Swingers or committed couples who engage in sexual activities with others felt greater sexual satisfaction than monogamous individuals.

As society continues to evolve, it is essential to acknowledge and respect the diversity of relationship styles and the autonomy of individuals to choose the relationship that best suits them. It's important to prioritize open communication, trust and mutual consent if we attempt to explore alternative ways of forming intimate connections. Engaging in thorough self-reflection and open dialogue can help establish clear boundaries and expectations. Ultimately, the success of non-monogamous relationships hinges on a foundation of honesty and empathy for all parties involved.

Do you wonder about non-monogamous relationships? Take the Brief Sexual Attitudes Scale to understand your sexual needs better.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.