How To Tell If You're An 'Entitled Partner'—And What To Do If You Are

Research reveals that there are three kinds of 'relationship entitlement' styles. Which one do you have?

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | March 18, 2024

Relationship entitlement refers to the belief or expectation that one deserves certain privileges or benefits from their partner. When individuals feel disproportionately entitled, they firmly believe the world owes them privileges they did not rightfully earn. This plays a crucial role in determining the quality of their relationships.

A 2023 study published in the journal Behavioral Sciences indicates that an excessive sense of entitlement lowers intimacy, increases conflict and decreases satisfaction in romantic relationships.

A dangerously high level of entitlement leads to the disregard of the other partner's needs and wishes, making them feel unimportant and overlooked. Furthermore, relational entitlement can create a power imbalance, with one partner always getting their way and the other feeling helpless and unheard.

According to research, there are three types of entitlement usually displayed in a relationship:

1. Excessive entitlement. This is also known as inflated entitlement and it is a pathological form of entitlement that is harmful to one's relationship. Excessive entitlement occurs when a person only thinks about their own needs and ignores the feelings and needs of their partner. For instance, they might demand constant attention or special treatment without reciprocating the same care or consideration for the other person.
2. Restrictive entitlement. This is a limited sense of entitlement found in individuals that are timid and unassertive, showing less independence and self-confidence. For instance, they might consistently go along with their partner's plans without voicing their opinions or desires, often ignoring their own needs and demands within the relationship.
3. Assertive entitlement. Individuals with an assertive sense of entitlement possess the ability to estimate what they can reasonably expect from their partner. They are self-assured in pursuing their needs and rights. This form of entitlement is adaptive and crucial for individual well-being. For example, they may express their desire for quality time together or discuss their preferences for how household chores are divided, demonstrating assertiveness and confidence in advocating for their needs while respecting their partner's boundaries and opinions.

Excessive and restrictive entitlement can be harmful in a relationship but assertive entitlement can positively affect an individual's well-being, enhancing their self-worth and life satisfaction.

Why People Feel Entitled In Relationships

A 2016 study published in the journal Psychological Bulletin describes entitlement as involving exaggerated expectations, an inflated sense of deservingness and self-importance.

Not meeting an entitlement individual's expectations may lead to disappointment, ego threat and a perceived sense of injustice, resulting in psychological distress and volatile emotional responses. They may attempt to impose their self-indulgent beliefs on others, leading to a cycle of interpersonal distress and conflict.

Research also suggests that early parental care and attachment styles significantly shape one's sense of relationship entitlement. For instance, researchers found that inadequate maternal care as well as an avoidant attachment style are linked to greater entitlement. Similarly, entitlement associated with insufficient paternal care is exacerbated by having an anxious attachment style.

Conversely, studies show that a permissive parenting style is linked to excessive entitlement in romantic relationships. Parents who spoil their children and fulfill their every whim seem to produce more entitled adults than those with other parenting styles.

How To Overcome Entitlement In Relationships

Excessive entitlement in relationships is related to negative conflict resolution tactics such as verbal aggression, less compromise and more dominance, often resulting in abusive relationships. In contrast, assertive entitlement is linked to higher life satisfaction, greater self-esteem and self-efficacy.

Here are three tips to get rid of excessive or harmful levels of entitlement:

1. Empathy. To create a successful romantic relationship, practice empathy. Understand where your partner is coming from and remain open to their point of view. When individuals feel that their partners understand, value and respond supportively to their needs, it fosters a deep sense of emotional connection and security. Set realistic expectations in the relationship that are fair to both your needs.
2. Open communication. When individuals openly communicate their innermost thoughts, struggles, desires and emotions, it can foster a deeper sense of connection and understanding between partners, allowing them to create space for each other's needs and boundaries in the relationship. Restrictively entitled partners may benefit from learning to ask for what they need and excessively entitled partners may evolve by learning to listen more.
3. Therapy. Couples can navigate entitlement issues by seeking therapy and addressing life experiences that have influenced their entitlement style. Learning to communicate respectfully and constructively with expert guidance can nurture intimacy and strengthen your relationship. Over time, this creates a safe space for partners to express themselves authentically and handle conflicts with more compassion.

If you are curious about where your relationship currently stands, take this test to find out: Relationship Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.