4 Reasons Behind The Belief In 'Love At First Kiss'

There's no doubt that a magical first kiss can fill us with hope. Here's why they do, and what they mean in the search for love.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | May 16, 2024

Idealized romantic expectations encompass a set of beliefs, ideals and fantasies individuals hold about romantic relationships, often influenced by societal norms, cultural narratives, mainstream media and personal experiences. These expectations often revolve around notions of perfect love and eternal happiness.

Beliefs about how first kisses should be or "first kiss beliefs" are one such romantic expectation. These include idealized beliefs that your first kiss with a new partner should be a magical, transformative moment, sparking intense emotions within.

Individuals with idealized romantic beliefs—characterized by a propensity to romanticize love and idealize relationship milestones—may be more susceptible to interpreting a powerful first kiss as a sign of true love. These narratives often emphasize the importance of chemistry, connection and experiencing "butterflies" and "fireworks" during that initial kiss.

A 2023 study published in Frontiers In Psychology found that interestingly, the presence of these first kiss beliefs can serve to enhance feelings of romantic love towards one's partner.

Here are four reasons why first kiss beliefs influence the process of falling in love, according to the 2023 study.

Evolutionary instincts. From an evolutionary perspective, a first kiss serves as a crucial tool in "mate selection," helping determine a partner's genetic fitness for reproduction. For instance, while kissing a new partner, you can detect their scent— an indicator of their health, which can enhance your attraction to them.
Romantic and sexual satisfaction. Researchers suggest that after a first kiss, people often report feeling more attracted to a partner. Further, perceiving them as proficient kissers and the frequency of kissing as the relationship progresses is also associated with higher levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction. So, first kiss beliefs can shape our perceptions of romance and influence the course and quality of a relationship.
Idealized love. Researchers suggest that idealized romantic expectations, such as believing in love at first sight or in having "one true love" can help overlook a partner's flaws, maintain relationship satisfaction and commitment and lead to longer lasting relationships. Those with first kiss beliefs are more likely to hold such expectations.
Anxious attachment styles. Researchers found that anxiously attached individuals are more likely to endorse idealized first kiss beliefs and experience greater romantic love for their partners as a result. Those with this attachment style, marked by a fear of abandonment and dependency on partners, may be more inclined to idealize the significance of a first kiss as a validation of their worthiness and desirability.

"It is possible that the endorsement of idealized beliefs could compensate for the overestimation of relationship threat and underestimation of the partner's commitment that those with high attachment anxiety experience. Those who are securely attached place less emphasis on romantic kissing beliefs when evaluating their relationship," the researchers add, highlighting how first kiss beliefs may not impact everyone the same way.

While idealized first kiss beliefs can enhance love, researchers also found that endorsing these beliefs predicted more unmet expectations in relationships.

"It is possible that hyper-romanticized beliefs contribute to more unrealistic romantic expectations, resulting in relationships that fail to meet expectations and inevitably poor relationship outcomes," the researchers write.

Rather than maintaining fixed beliefs about how relationships should be, a 2024 study suggests that it is essential to have a growth mindset in love. "Destiny beliefs" or believing that people are destined for each other and that a relationship cannot work without an initial spark, tend to create a sense of passivity rather than investment and commitment in relationships, as well as lower levels of relationship satisfaction.

By understanding the influence of these beliefs, individuals can cultivate more realistic expectations and navigate their romantic experiences with greater accountability, authenticity and fulfillment.

While a first kiss is a wonderful way to create intimacy in a relationship, it can only be a small piece of a larger puzzle. In the end, romantic partners must commit to putting in the work throughout their relationship to create truly long-lasting love.

Curious how satisfied you are in your relationship? Take this test to find out: Relationship Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.