3 Tell-Tale Signs That A Marriage Will End In Divorce

These three behaviors predict divorce more strongly than you'd imagine. Here's why, according to research.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | May 12, 2025

Marriage is meant to be a safe place — a partnership where you feel seen, supported and deeply connected. But what happens when that connection quietly begins to unravel? When conversations turn into cold silences, intimacy fades or every little disagreement feels like a battle? These aren't just rough patches, but warning signs that the foundation of your relationship is starting to crack.

In 2025, best-selling author and marriage coach Laura Doyle surveyed about 600 women on their experiences of marriage. While many described sources of joy in their relationship, they also described their greatest hurdles.

Here are three of the biggest challenges modern marriages face that are heralds of divorce, according to the survey.

1. Emotional Distance And Loneliness

The most highly cited challenge in a marriage is when spouses feel distant from one another, exacerbating their levels of loneliness. Doyle's study found that approximately 41.9% of women report that these feelings are a significant obstacle in their marriage.

This type of loneliness isn't just about physical separation, but about feeling unseen, unheard and uncared for even when your partner is in the same room. A 2021 study published in Contemporary Family Therapy shows that couples who spend more time talking and engaging in shared activities experience morepositive relationship outcomes, including emotional closeness and constructive patterns of communication.

In contrast, couples who spend their time arguing perceive more negative qualities in their marriages and are likely to use ineffective and negative communication techniques such as "demand/withdraw communication," where one partner may pressure, criticize or demand change, while the other avoids, shuts down or withdraws from the conversation.

For example, one partner might say, "We never talk about anything important!", while the other responds by going silent or leaving the room. This creates a cycle: the more one demands, the more the other withdraws — leading to deeper frustration and emotional distance for both. Researchers found that this pattern is associated with lower levels of relationship satisfaction and closeness.

When emotional distance sets in, partners often begin to withdraw to protect themselves. This can lead to a dangerous pattern of avoidance, where spouses sidestep hard conversations in the hope of avoiding pain or keeping the peace.

But peace built on silence is fragile. Avoidance rarely results in progress, and only leads to further stagnation in the relationship. Without emotional engagement, resentment grows, empathy fades and both partners may begin to feel like they're going through life alone, even while technically still "together."

When experiencing such loneliness, partners feel unable to rely on each other, be close to each other or work things out together — all of which are essential to the survival of their connection.

2. High Levels Of Conflict

Doyle's survey found that roughly 31.8% of women reported that fighting too much or too often and experiencing tense silences after these arguments, rather than moments of repair and reconciliation was also a significant hindrance in their marriages.

Conflict, if handled with care and thoughtful communication, can be healthy. However, if spouses consistently become adversarial rather than aligned on conflict resolution, the stress between them only escalates, causing irreparable strain to their marriages.

According to renowned psychologist and relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, certain conflict behaviors, known as the "four horsemen" of the apocalypse — in this case, the end of a marriage — signal a high likelihood of divorce. These behaviors include:

1. Criticism. This involves attacking a partner's character instead of addressing a specific behavior or issue you might have with them.

2. Defensiveness. This involves responding to complaints with excuses or blame instead of taking responsibility.

3. Contempt. This involves expressing disrespect or superiority through sarcasm, eye-rolling or mockery.

4. Stonewalling. This involves shutting down or withdrawing from interaction to avoid conflict or discomfort.

Research shows that fears of abandonment and rejection can heighten these damaging responses to conflict, pointing to the importance of learning how to self-soothe and focus on collaborative communication in a marriage, as opposed to lashing out or shutting down.

Couples who develop the skill to repair after conflict — through apology, empathy and solution-focused dialogue are far more likely to stay together long-term.

3. Financial Stress

While not as frequently cited as emotional distance or conflict, 41 participants in Doyle's survey identified financial concerns as their greatest marital obstacle. But don't be fooled by the numbers — money fights can pack a serious punch.

Research backs this concern. A 2023 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests thatconflicts over finances can be deeply damaging to relationships.

Researchers found that spouses often express concerns over their partner being irresponsible with money, their lack of shared financial values or a lack of shared decision-making about their finances. This is because conversations about money are rarely just about dollars and cents — they reflect compatibility, trust, control, safety and sometimes even identity in a relationship.

Couples with such concerns may begin to wonder — "Are we aligned on what we want our future to look like? Do we both believe in contributing equally — whether financially, emotionally or otherwise?" When couples avoid talking about money, those unspoken expectations can create chronic resentment and division. It's not about how much money you have, it's about how well you manage it together.

"The challenges in modern marriages evolve with time. Younger couples often grapple with financial stress, while older couples generally face more health-related struggles and heightened conflict," Doyle writes, also highlighting generational differences in experiences of marriage. These evolving pressures mean that marriage isn't static — it must adapt to life's changing seasons.

While a marriage isn't inevitably doomed because of these challenges, it is highly likely to suffer when partners don't address them together. Rather than viewing them solely as threats, see them as invitations to pause, reflect, take action and seek support before it's too late.

Is your marriage suffering or flourishing? Take this science-backed test to find out: Marital Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.