3 Signs Your Partner Has 'Peter Pan Syndrome'

Does your partner seem unable—or unwilling—to grow up? They might be suffering from 'Peter Pan Syndrome.' Here's how to tell.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | March 05, 2025

You may have dated someone who seemed like they just wouldn't grow up. They dodge serious conversations, shy away from commitment and seem more interested in chasing highs than building something real. This pattern—often called "Peter Pan Syndrome"—describes individuals who struggle with emotional maturity and responsibility in relationships.

The term was first introduced by Dr. Dan Kiley in his 1983 book The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up. He later wrote The Wendy Dilemma, exploring the challenges faced by women in relationships with these "Peter Pans." While early research framed this as a male issue, modern perspectives recognize that Peter Pan Syndrome can affect people of any gender.

This behavior may be tied to deeper emotional patterns. For instance, André Green's talks about the dead mother complex, describing how a child reacts when a mother is physically present but emotionally unavailable.

In the story of Peter Pan, this plays out through Peter's fantasy of never growing up—he remains in an in-between state, rejecting both the dependence he faced as a child and the responsibilities that come with growing up.

Though it's not a clinical diagnosis, its impact is real. Those with "Peter Pan" tendencies often resist long-term planning, avoid tough conversations and cling to a romanticized version of their youth—making stable, fulfilling relationships a challenge.

Here are three ways to tell if your partner has Peter Pan Syndrome.

1. They Fear Commitment And Long-Term Responsibility

If you've ever received a "You up?" text—complete with a devil emoji—at an hour when most people are asleep, only to find yourself at the sender's place despite knowing deep down they're not as invested as you'd like, you might be dealing with someone who isn't ready for commitment.

For some, commitment feels less like a meaningful connection and more like a loss of freedom. Those who struggle with Peter Pan Syndrometend to keep things casual, avoiding serious conversations about the future and steering clear of major commitments like moving in together or settling down. Instead, they prefer relationships that remain undefined—ones that offer intimacy without the weight of responsibility.

A 2009 study published in The Journal of Sex Research suggests that men who are hesitant about commitment—especially those with Peter Pan tendencies—often turn to casual late-night meetups as a way to maintain intimacy without emotional investment.

These relationships require little effort or accountability, allowing individuals to enjoy closeness on their own terms while sidestepping the responsibilities of a long-term partnership. While they may offer women the chance to rekindle an old flame in hopes of a lasting commitment, the study reports that, in most cases, it is the men who are unwilling to commit.

This reluctance to commit may come from a deep-seated fear of being tied down, a desire to keep their options open or the belief that relationships should always feel effortless and exciting without requiring work and compromise.

2. They Are Emotionally Unavailable

Peter Pan's rejection of mothers isn't just about defiance—his immaturity is shield he uses to protect himself from the pain of loss and vulnerability. Instead of facing these feelings, he keeps tight control over his relationships, putting Wendy on a pedestal as the caring, dependable figure while pushing Tinker Bell into the role of the difficult, demanding one.

Deep down, he craves love and reassurance, but rather than admitting to it, he shifts that need onto others—making Wendy seem like the one who's too attached, when in reality, he's the one afraid to let go.

Rather than developing emotional resilience, individuals with Peter Pan Syndrome often rely heavily on their partners for comfort, validation and problem-solving. They may struggle with handling stress, making independent decisions or facing personal challenges without their partner's guidance.

This dynamic can create an imbalanced relationship where one partner takes on a parental or caretaker role, leading to frustration and emotional exhaustion.

A 2010 study on Navajo adolescent mothers found that many stayed in difficult relationships, not just for love, but out of hope that things would get better or fear of raising a child alone.

Carli, who had been single most of her life, believed men created problems for women, saying, "All the men I've been with still have the Peter Pan Syndrome—they don't want to grow up. They drink too much, they don't work, and they're just not emotionally available."

This reflects the struggle many women face with emotionally immature and irresponsible partners.

For many with this syndrome, relationships are about fun, adventure and avoiding real-world pressures rather than building a strong emotional foundation. They may be drawn to partners who provide excitement but shy away from relationships that require effort, compromise or emotional depth. This often leads to a pattern of short-lived romances or an avoidance of serious commitment altogether.

Rather than addressing issues head-on, people with this syndrome tend to ignore problems, withdraw or may even use humor to deflect serious conversations. This avoidance can create unresolved tensions and emotional distance between partners over time.

3. They Have Difficulty Handling Relationship Expectations

In 1974, a man photographed his wife every morning from the window of their Tokyo apartment as she left for work. That man was Masahisa Fukase, a Japanese photographer who documented his wife from the day they met until the day she left.

While the images are undeniably beautiful, Fukase's obsessive focus on his wife, Yoko Wanibe, raises questions about whether he truly understood his responsibilities as a partner. Through his From Window series, he subjected Yoko to intense scrutiny, framing her solely as his muse rather than as an equal in their relationship. Though his relentless documentation may have been an expression of devotion, it also suggests an imbalance—one where Yoko was observed rather than understood.

This dynamic echoes traits associated with Peter Pan Syndrome, in which an individual resists the emotional labor and shared responsibilities essential to a healthy relationship. Fukase's fixation on Yoko as an artistic subject may have overshadowed the reality of their partnership, leaving her to shoulder the practical and emotional burdens alone.

Her description of their life together—marked by "suffocating dullness interspersed by violent and near-suicidal flashes of excitement"—suggests a relationship devoid of stability and reciprocity. In this light, Fukase's artistry can be seen not just as an act of love, but as a form of emotional detachment, where his need to capture Yoko eclipsed his ability to truly share a life with her.

There is also the possibility that he experienced desperate love—an intense, often unhealthy romantic attachment—shaped by an idealized view of relationships. This type of attachment significantly differs from that of those who approach love with a more balanced perspective, influencing how individuals perceive themselves, their ideal selves, their partners and their ideal partners.

People with Peter Pan Syndrome often share this romanticized outlook, expecting relationships to remain perpetually exciting, passionate, and effortless. A study on desperate love further supports this idea, suggesting that those who experience it tend to view love as mysterious and idealized rather than grounded in reality. This unrealistic perception reinforces their tendency toward intense yet problematic emotional attachments.

When the initial euphoria fades and the realities of a long-term partnership set in, such individuals may become disillusioned and emotionally withdrawn. Instead of navigating these transitions, they may chase the thrill of new love or immerse themselves in artistic or personal obsessions, leading to emotional detachment or a cycle of fleeting, unfulfilled relationships.

Peter Pan Syndrome is not just about immaturity—it's about fear, avoidance and the struggle to accept the responsibilities that come with deep emotional connections. Peter Pans may find themselves in cycles of short-lived relationships, unable to fully commit or build lasting emotional bonds.

If you recognize these patterns in yourself, know that change is possible. Self-reflection, therapy and a willingness to take responsibility can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. And if you're in a relationship with someone like this, understanding where it comes from can help you set boundaries, manage expectations and decide what kind of partnership truly makes you happy.

Do you feel safe, loved, and valued in your relationship? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Relationship Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.