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4 Signs That A Relationship Is Bound To End

These four behavior patterns are strongly linked to relationship dissolution. Here's why.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | March 03, 2025

"It wasn't one big fight. No cheating. No screaming. But somehow, we drifted apart." This is how many relationships end—they unravel silently. It's not always obvious betrayals or explosive arguments that push couples apart. Sometimes, it's smaller, unnoticed patterns that do the most damage. For instance, a sarcastic comment brushed off as a joke, or unspoken expectations that fuel resentment.

What's dangerous about these patterns is how they can fly under the radar for years. They don't cause immediate chaos, but slowly chip away at the foundation of your relationship—often before either partner notices.

Here are four such patterns that, if left unnoticed, can lead to couples eventually breaking up.

1. The Silent Saboteur—Passive Aggression

Imagine this—you know that something feels off, but your partner insists they're fine. Maybe they're giving you short answers, avoiding eye contact or "forgetting" to do that thing you asked—again. These are signs of passive-aggressive behavior, where unspoken resentment simmers beneath the surface, quietly eroding connection.

Passive aggression often stems from a combination of hostility and a learned avoidance of direct conflict. A 2022 study highlights that while passive-aggressive behavior may not always be overtly hostile, it often masks deep-seated feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction.

The study emphasizes that passive-aggression can develop in individuals who grew up in environments where expressing anger wasn't safe or acceptable, leading them to adopt indirect ways of communicating frustration. It often shows up when:

They give you the silent treatment or withdraw emotionally.
They make sarcastic comments or offer backhanded compliments.
They subtly exclude you in social settings.

The key to overcoming passive-aggression is creating a space where honesty feels safe. Start by recognizing when frustration is being indirectly communicated and challenge yourself to speak up before resentment builds.

Practice saying what you need directly. "I'd appreciate it if we could divide chores more evenly."
Acknowledge emotions without blame. "I felt hurt when my suggestion was dismissed."
If you're on the receiving end, encourage openness. "I can sense something's off. I'm here if you want to talk about it."

Breaking the cycle isn't about having perfect communication—it's about being willing to have hard conversations. When both partners commit to honesty and vulnerability, passive-aggression loses its power, reviving true intimacy.

2. The 'Give And Take' Relationship

Scorekeeping often starts small—mentally noting who paid for dinner last or who initiated the last date—but it can snowball into deeper feelings of imbalance and unfairness. And when these feelings go unspoken, they quietly chip away at the relationship, creating a divide that's hard to bridge.

Here are some examples of what scorekeeping can look like in a relationship:

Tracking chores and responsibilities. "I did the dishes last night, so it's your turn."
Measuring emotional investment. "I always say 'I love you' first"
Comparing acts of love. "I went out of my way to pick up your favorite coffee, but you didn't even text me good morning."
Keeping tabs on apologies. "I was the one who apologized first last time, so now it's your turn."

A 2019 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples with a high "exchange orientation"—a tendency to keep score—experienced lower intimacy on days where they had conflict. Monitoring give-and-take intensified minor conflicts, leading to overreactions and weakening overall connection and satisfaction.

Escaping the scorekeeping cycle starts with a mindset shift—from tracking fairness to focusing on generosity and emotional connection.

Prioritize giving over tracking. Acts of care feel more meaningful when done out of love, not obligation.
Voice unmet needs clearly. Rather than waiting for your partner to notice an imbalance, express what you need openly, and without blame. Be specific and direct. For instance, "I'm feeling overwhelmed and could use some help."
Appreciate small gestures. Acknowledgment goes a long way in reinforcing positive behaviors. A simple "Thanks for handling dinner" makes your partner feel appreciated. Gratitude shifts the focus from what's missing to what's already present.
Focus on the bigger picture. Relationships aren't a perfect 50/50 split every day. Trust that, over time, care and effort balance out. For example, if your partner is going through a stressful time at work, you may end up taking on more household responsibilities. Rather than feeling slighted, recognize that if roles were reversed, they would likely do the same for you.
Build a culture of generosity. Scorekeeping often stems from a fear of being taken for granted. But in a healthy relationship, love is not about "owing"—it's about giving. The more both partners embrace generosity, the less need there is to keep score.

3. Enmeshment And Loss Of Individuality

In the early stages of love, merging lives feels natural—shared routines, inside jokes and a growing sense of "us." But, when the line between connection and codependency blurs, individuality begins to fade.

"Enmeshment" occurs when partners become overly reliant on each other for emotional validation, leading to a diminished sense of self. It's the shift from "I love you" to "I need you to feel whole." This dynamic makes it difficult for individuals to distinguish their own needs, desires and feelings from their partner's.

Enmeshment in relationships can look like:

Losing touch with personal hobbies, friendships or goals.
Constantly seeking reassurance or validation from your partner.
Feeling guilty for wanting alone time or independent experiences.
Prioritizing the relationship over personal growth.

A 2023 commentary in the International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction explores the intricate relationship between enmeshment and codependency, highlighting how enmeshment stems from impaired autonomy, often developed in childhood due to a lack of boundaries or parental attunement. This leads to an "undeveloped self"—a diminished sense of identity that drives individuals to seek validation and purpose through others.

Researchers also explain how enmeshment exacerbates behaviors like self-sacrifice, subjugation of personal needs and approval-seeking—hallmarks of codependency. These patterns create an unhealthy dynamic where one's identity becomes entirely centered around the relationship, leading to emotional burnout and eventual disconnection.

To address this, rebuild personal boundaries. Prioritize individual goals and interests, and encourage each other's growth outside of the relationship. Time apart also strengthens connection by allowing space for personal reflection.

4. A Nest Of Empty Promises

It's easy to fall for the promise of a beautiful future—visions of marriage, kids or a life built together. But when those promises are made without genuine intent, they leave behind more than disappointment—they create deep emotional scars. For instance, this can look like talking about moving in together but never taking steps to make it happen, or offering hollow reassurances during conflicts ("I swear I'll change") without action.

The damage lies in the hope it creates—the dreams built on empty words. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology sheds light on why people make promises they can't keep.

Researchers found that the more in love someone feels and the more motivated they are to meet their partner's needs, the bigger the promises they tend to make. But here's the twist: good intentions don't equal follow-through.

Researchers suggest that keeping promises isn't about love or emotional motivation—it's about self-regulation skills. People who lacked the ability to plan and follow through were more likely to break their promises, even if they genuinely meant them at the time.

This creates a heartbreaking dynamic where the person who promises the most may also be the one who lets you down the hardest. Broken promises don't just end relationships—they destroy the future partners envisioned together, leaving behind deep grief and a sense of betrayal.

Here's how to address this pattern:

Focus on actions over words. Consistency reveals true intent. Pay attention to whether your partner is actively working toward their promises.
Set clear boundaries. Communicate your expectations and hold your partner accountable. If they seem to have no intention of following through, address it and have an honest conversation.

And, if you're the one making promises, be mindful of what you commit to. Instead of making grand declarations in the heat of the moment, ensure that your words align with what you're truly capable of delivering.

These damaging relationship patterns are often hidden in plain sight, but they can be caught and changed—if you're paying attention.

Wondering if you're truly satisfied in your current relationship? Take this science-backed test to find out: Relationship Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.