There’s something deeply comforting about re-watching 1990s or early-2000s rom-coms: the familiar score, the well-timed montage, the promise of “happily ever after.” From movies like She’s All That to The Princess Diaries franchise, these films are enjoying a second wind.

But with that resurgence also comes a counter-discourse: What if the feel-good fantasy we embraced in our teens didn’t just offer escapism, but planted myths — about love, identity, appearance and who we should become — that we carry into our adult relationships? Because, of course, a large part of cinema’s allure is watching our deepest fantasies come alive. But it’s worth asking: Did that urge leap off the screen and lodge itself in our long-term expectations of love?

Here are three recurring tropes that look harmless in most popcorn-flicks, but when viewed through a psychological lens, can be dangerously misleading. Each of these can reshape our relationship expectations in ways that, research suggests, set us up for trouble.

1. The Makeover Effect

Think of the transformation montage in She’s All That (1999). The artsy outsider Laney Boggs is given glasses, paint-splattered overalls and unfashionable hair. And then, once she trades these in for a sexy red dress, she’s suddenly “hot enough” to be a viable romantic interest. The makeover trope, now affectionately referred to as a “glow-up,” is beloved in rom-coms and teen films, but it also carries a cost.

In films like Grease (1978), Clueless (1995) and Miss Congeniality (2000), the makeovers aren’t simply a matter of aesthetics. Implicitly, they also signaled a spike in the characters’ romantic, social and self-worth. What’s most troubling is how this fictional script aligns with real-world body image issues.

According to an article published in the International Journal of Cultural Studies, these makeover sequences teach viewers that the body is “malleable,” that its aesthetic demands must be met and that transformation equals value. For young viewers, especially teens already navigating appearance anxiety, this is potent.

There is substantial evidence that exposure to idealized bodies and transformation narratives can heighten appearance-concern, internalization of beauty ideals and pressure to conform. From a psychological perspective, the consequences of this can include:

• Increased discrepancy between one’s self and the “ideal” appearance constructed onscreen

• A belief that attractiveness can and must be “fixed” in order to be worthy of romance or acceptance

• Potential for self-objectification, or evaluating oneself primarily as a visual object to be gazed upon

• Disappointment when real life fails to offer that dramatic transformation arc

So when we see this trope play out in a film, it isn’t the makeover fantasy, in and of itself, that we need to take issue with. Rather, we need to start questioning the internalized logic that without a “makeover,” we can’t reach our full potential — in terms of both attractiveness and how lovable we are.

It’s not difficult to see how off-shoots of this belief can snowball into a host of problems, like overconsumption or body dysmorphia. We need to recognize how these cinematic scripts seep into the ways in which we evaluate our bodies, and then our relationships. Accepting that the physical “reveal” isn’t a prerequisite for worth is a critical first step.

2. Enemies To Lovers And Love At First Sight

The late 90s rom-com perfected the whirlwind montage of hostility turning into passion, or a singular glance turning into a promise of “forever.” The “enemies to lovers” and “love at first sight” tropes are glued together by a singular romantic belief: that love is fated.

According to research on the implicit beliefs individuals maintain about romantic relationships, there are two main mindsets that contribute to this belief in fatedness:

• Destiny beliefs. The idea that some people are either “meant to be” or doomed to fail otherwise.

• Growth beliefs. The idea that relationships can only be developed and maintained through effort.

Films like 10 Things I Hate About You (1999), or the classic set-up in When Harry Met Sally (1989), encourage destiny beliefs because, in those cinematic universes, love is either instant or predestined. However, most empirical research challenges this seductive narrative.

A 2024 longitudinal study of over 900 couples, published in the European Journal of Personality, found that strong destiny beliefs are linked to steeper declines in relationship satisfaction over time. Remarkably, in the study, the destiny believers began with higher relationship satisfaction, only for it to decline much more rapidly than those with strong growth beliefs.

Rom-coms often put forward the idea that if there’s not an “instant spark” or a “perfect fit,” something must be wrong. They sell us “meant to be” not as one of many narratives, but as the only one worth believing in.

In reality, however, relationships usually require negotiation, adaptation and time. When the destiny script fails (which it often does), people may interpret normal parts of a healthy partnership — conflict, differences, periods of distance, dry spells in the bedroom — as proof that the relationship wasn’t “right” from the start. The truth, however, is that these are expected parts of relationship growth.

3. A Dramatic Personality Transformation

There are various films that depict one partner undergoing a rapid, radical transformation in their personality or behavior (often catalysed by love), which ends up magically solving all their problems or “earning” them the relationship. Consider Pretty Woman (1990), where Vivian’s world changes — her appearance, her manners, her worldview — the moment she meets and falls in love with Edward.

Psychologically, this sets up a wildly unrealistic expectation that a partner, or relationship, will be the vehicle of transformation you need to become the best version of yourself. Viewing a relationship as the stage for monumental change can, in turn, encourage dependency and entitlement. Worse, it will likely lead to disappointment when you reach the slower or messier parts of growth.

The cost of this can be twofold in a relationship. Firstly, the “love will save me” narrative undermines the agency and realistic self-work that real change demands of you. Secondly, and more importantly, expecting an external and instantaneous fix inherently devalues the slower, less glamorous growth arcs that most relationships (and individual human beings) naturally follow in real life.

This isn’t a call to boycott all your favorite romantic comedies. As a psychologist who grew up watching all of these very movies, I understand their appeal — but I also understand the traps they set. Let’s keep the rom-com magic alive for what it is: cinema. And in our real lives, let’s remember that love doesn’t have to be pretty, rapid or perfect in order to be real.

Myths from rom-coms can bleed into our real-life relationships. Take the science-backed Belief In Marital Myths Scale to know if your expectations from your bond are realistic.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes, here.