3 Of Men's Most Common Excuses For Cheating

From evolution to boredom, men's reasons for cheating come in a variety of shapes and sizes.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | August 19, 2024

The motivations behind men' infidelity have been extensively studied. According to a study from the September 2024 issue of Evolution and Human Behavior, these driving factors are well-understood and documented.

From an evolutionary standpoint, it's believed that men's infidelity is driven by a subconscious desire to increase their chances of producing more offspring. The idea is that the more partners a man has, the better his chances of continuing his bloodline. While this may explain their instinctual motivations, the reality is that the reasons why men cheat are often more straightforward.

The study's authors suggest that men's conscious motivations for cheating are diverse and reflect a range of simple, everyday factors. Drawing from their research, these are the three most commonly cited reasons men give for their infidelity.

1. They're Dissatisfied With Their Relationship

Approximately 30% of men in the study attributed their infidelity to being unhappy in their relationship—making it the most endorsed reason for cheating out of all. One such participant shared, "I was very unhappy in the relationship. I felt as if I had no other choice to get out."

Sentiments such as these show how truly pervasive and impactful dissatisfaction can be. When a man feels deeply unhappy and unfulfilled in his relationship, he might perceive cheating as a way to escape or find solace—even if only temporarily. Interestingly, this is similar to the study's findings about women, who also reported relationship dissatisfaction as their top reason for infidelity.

Overall, it seems that when there is much left to be desired in a relationship—whether it's emotional reciprocity, physical intimacy or simply a feeling of investment in the relationship—the risk of infidelity can skyrocket. Men need to feel valued, appreciated and connected just as much as women do to feel satisfied within a relationship. And without these key elements, the likelihood of seeking fulfillment elsewhere becomes a real and present danger.

2. Their Mistress Is More Attractive Than Their Partner

The second most commonly endorsed reason men gave for cheating, and perhaps the most scandalous, is that their affair partner was simply more attractive than their current partner. Despite the superficiality of this reasoning, the authors of the study explain it logically from an evolutionary perspective.

According to the researchers, "It would be sensible for men to prioritize women's physical attractiveness, which may cue fertility and good genes." In this way, it may be that men are instinctively driven to seek out partners who display signs of fertility and health—even if this drive isn't consciously acknowledged.

A shocking 16% of men nominated the physical attractiveness of their affair partner as their primary motivation for cheating—which is nearly three times higher than the rate for women. One participant put it bluntly, explaining that it was "the physical attributes of the person that my current partner doesn't have" that ultimately pushed them to cheat. The sad and shallow reality is that physical attraction is more important than what some men might let on—so much so that it can overshadow the qualities of a faithful and loving partner.

3. They Have Desires That Their Partner Can't Fulfill

Another major reason men cited for their infidelity was unfulfilled sexual desires, with 14% of men identifying this as their primary motivation—almost five times higher than the 3% of women who reported the same. This major difference speaks to how important a diverse and satisfying sex life can be for men in a relationship. When these desires go unmet, the temptation to look elsewhere can become overwhelming.

Intriguingly, the fourth and fifth most endorsed reasons for infidelity were closely related to this, as they were also tied to their needs for sex and variety. Novelty seeking—or the search for new and exciting experiences—was the fourth most cited reason at 11%, which is double the rate for women in the study. This desire for newness can drive men to seek out affairs as a way to break whatever monotony they feel within their current relationship.

Overall sexual dissatisfaction in their current relationship was the fifth most common reason—reported by 9% of men, which was a surprisingly similar rate to that of women. It seems to be a universal experience that when sexual needs are unmet, the lure of something different can become very compelling.

The authors of the study attribute these findings to the well-documented fact that variety is the spice of men's lives. They state, "Men have a stronger desire for sexual variety," and that there are "theoretical reasons to believe male infidelity is strongly variety-driven." And the participants in the study echoed this sentiment.

One man, when asked about his infidelity, explained, "I didn't know if I really wanted to be with my partner and just tried to explore more options." Another admitted, somewhat sheepishly, that he cheated simply because "I wanted to sow my wild oats while I was still young."

Overall, it's clear that the need for an exciting sex life and a sense of variety and fun within the relationship is crucial for men. The persistent feeling that there's more out there to experience—both sexually and otherwise—can steadily erode their commitment to their partners.

Worried that you might stray from your partner? Take this test to find out, and receive science-backed insight from a psychologist: Propensity Towards Infidelity Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.