3 Dangers 'Male Validation' Poses To Men

Does your masculinity depend on the approval of other men? Here's three ways this could be holding you back.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | May 08, 2025

Everyone feels the pressure of having to conform but in certain contexts, nobody gets it better than men. Whether it's the cars they drive, the partners they choose or the emotions they suppress, many of their decisions are quietly shaped by the need for male approval.

From gym progress and romantic partners to career wins and Instagram posts, some are constantly chasing male validation. But this pursuit of validation comes at a price. What begins as harmless social bonding can slowly distort our relationships and even undermine our mental well-being.

Here are three ways this mindset can become harmful.

1. You Feel The Need To Constantly Reaffirm Your Manhood

From an early age, boys are taught — explicitly and implicitly — what it means to "be a man." Traits like dominance, stoicism, competitiveness and control are often praised, while emotional openness or vulnerability may be mocked or dismissed.

Much of the pressure to conform to traditional male behavior stems not just from society at large but from tight-knit male peer groups. Social identity theory tells us that people derive part of their identity from group membership. For men in hypermasculine circles, deviation can result in ridicule or ostracism, which are powerful deterrents to change.

This leads to "performative masculinity," which refers to engaging in behaviors not necessarily because they're desired, but because they're rewarded within the peer group. Think of conversations that become the standard locker-room talk meant to prove one's status rather than reflect true feelings.

A 2013 study published in Psychology of Men & Masculinity shows that being seen as a "real man" is something men have to constantly prove, unlike womanhood, which is generally viewed as something that happens naturally as a girl grows up. This means manhood feels fragile, as it can be lost just as quickly as it can be gained. Because of this, men often feel anxious about how others perceive their masculinity, especially if it's questioned or not "obvious."

To avoid seeming "unmanly," some men may take risky actions (like aggression, dangerous stunts or overworking) or avoid healthy behaviors (like asking for help or expressing their emotions). Researchers suggest that men experience more anxiety over their gender status than women do, particularly when that status feels uncertain or challenged.

2. You Get Stuck In A Cycle Of Seeking Validation

According to uncertainty-identity theory, when people feel unsure about themselves, they turn to groups to feel more confident and secure. But to truly feel validated, they need to believe the group accepts them as a "real" member. People feel more validated when feedback is positive and comes from within their own group.

Many men who seek constant validation suffer from underlying insecurities or low self-worth. Instead of processing these emotions internally or through emotional support systems, they outsource their sense of self to external feedback — usually from male peers.

This creates a feedback loop: The more they rely on peer validation, the more their self-esteem becomes dependent on it. Any deviation from standard behavior risks destabilizing the identity they've built on the approval of others.

3. 'Manning Up' Leads You To Shut Down

The validation trap often suppresses authentic emotional expression. Men may laugh off sadness, mask anxiety with bravado or turn to substances and risky behavior — all to maintain the façade of control.

Ironically, this pursuit of belonging often leads to emotional isolation. Men, on average, have fewer close friendships than women and are less likely to seek therapy. This reinforces a cycle of loneliness and unprocessed emotion.

A 2021 study published in Sociology of Health & Illness showed that some men use anger and violence to deal with emotional pain or to prove their masculinity. But this may lead to devastating consequences such as job loss, broken relationships or legal trouble.

Researchers suggest this can sometimes escalate to self-destructive behaviors, including self-harm or even suicide, especially when they feel they have no other way to show vulnerability or regain control.

Additionally, the consequences of feeling "less masculine" aren't just harmful to men. Research published in the Association for Computing Machinery in 2020 found that men who feel insecure about their masculinity are more likely to support or tolerate online harassment directed at women.

This may be because they strongly adhere to traditional masculine norms, like dominance and aggression, and feel uninhibited online. So, they end up behaving in ways they wouldn't in real life due to perceived anonymity and lack of consequences.

To escape the peer validation trap, men need opportunities for authentic connection. They need friends who support and validate their experiences without fear of emasculation.

Changing these deeply embedded dynamics isn't easy, but small acts of courage such as being present for a friend who is opening up to you, setting boundaries around expectations of masculinity and rejecting the performance of stoicism can be a start. As more men begin to value internal validation over external applause, a healthier, more expansive version of masculinity becomes possible.

Does seeking male validation make you downplay your real emotions? Take this science-backed test to find out: Self-Invalidation Due To Emotion Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.