2 Ways That Your 'Romantic Type' Might Change Over Time

You might not find the same people attractive now that you did ten years ago—and that's totally normal. Here's why.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | July 15, 2024

Your "romantic type" encompasses the unique set of characteristics you find attractive in a partner— be it their physical appearance, personality traits, shared interests or core values. For instance, maybe you almost always fall for blondes or go after the silent, mysterious type in relationships.

While some may always gravitate towards the same type, sometimes causing them to relive the same kind of relationship over and over again, for many, their "ideal partner" shifts over time. Influenced by personal growth, life experiences and changing goals, our romantic preferences can transform, reflecting our evolving selves.

Here are two reasons why our "romantic type" evolves as we do.

1. You Decide To Make A Conscious Change

A 2019 study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS) found that we really do have a type, and current partners often embody traits similar to previous ones. However, researchers also found that the more extraverted and open to new experiences we become, the weaker this effect is, as we open ourselves up to meeting new kinds of people, outside of our comfort zone.

As we grow and evolve, our values, interests and priorities may shift. This personal development can influence what we find attractive in a partner. We may realize that dating the same kind of person has only brought us hurt or a lack of fulfillment and that something must change for the sake of our well-being.

"After experiencing certain life events such as break-ups with a partner previously seen as ideal, they may have learned what they cannot put up with in a partner during a romantic relationship or have come to think differently about what kind of partner they would need for the next step in their life to happen," write the authors of a 2023 study on changing romantic types.

Significant life events, such as impactful relationships, breakups, career changes or moving to a new place can shape our perceptions of what we seek in a romantic partner and make us more cognizant of our own needs.

Additionally, our earliest relationships, especially with primary caregivers such as our parents, influence our "attachment styles" and can accordingly fuel trust, closeness, instability or insecurity in our adult relationships. Over time, as we become more aware of our romantic and attachment patterns, we might seek different qualities in partners that align with a healthier attachment style.

As we mature emotionally, we may look for partners who exhibit traits like empathy, emotional stability and good communication skills, rather than prioritizing purely physical or superficial attributes.

Research also shows that we tend to be attracted to those who are similar to ourselves or even those who symbolize "better versions" of us. So, it makes sense that as we change, our types can too.

Engaging in self-reflection can help us understand past patterns and make conscious choices to seek different traits in future partners. These changes are often gradual and influenced by our internal reflections and external circumstances.

2. You Take On New Roles In Life

As we age and enter new stages of life, our goals can change. For instance, someone focused on their career in their 20s might prioritize different qualities in a partner compared to when they are seeking to settle down and start a family in their 30s or 40s.

Researchers of the 2023 study used the Ideal Standards Model (ISM) to trace changes in partner preferences over a span of 13 years. This framework describes the qualities people tend to seek out in an ideal romantic partner and includes three primary dimensions:

1. Warmth-trustworthiness. This includes traits such as kindness, understanding and reliability, which facilitate secure and supportive relationships.
2. Vitality-attractiveness. This encompasses a person's physical appearance, health and sexual appeal, which are important for initial attraction and perceived fertility in the long-term.
3. Status-resources. This involves a person's social standing, financial stability and ambition, which are perceived as crucial for determining access to resources and the ability to support one's family.

Researchers found that a life-changing event such as the decision to become a parent can create a larger emphasis on "status-resources" qualities, as one may look to a partner to act as provider and responsible co-parent in this stage of life. Participants also valued warmth and trustworthiness over vitality and attractiveness over time.

In young adulthood, physical attraction and shared interests often take precedence, reflecting a focus on immediate connection, excitement, self-discovery and independence. As individuals progress into their late 20s and early 30s, priorities can shift towards emotional support, reliability and shared life goals, driven by the desire for stability and long-term commitment.

If chosen, parenthood emphasizes qualities like financial stability and being family-oriented. In midlife, emotional intimacy and companionship gain prominence, while later in life, companionship, mutual care and shared activities become central, especially during retirement and health-related challenges.

These shifts reflect evolving needs, goals and roles across life stages, guiding individuals to seek partners who align with their current life circumstances and future aspirations. As we navigate different phases—from the excitement of early attraction to the stability sought in long-term partnerships— these evolving priorities indicate that our type is not static, but a dynamic reflection of our ongoing personal growth and life journey.

Curious whether you display an openness to new experiences, and possibly partnerships? Take this test to learn more: Openness To Experience Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.