2 Ways That 'Pre-First Date Meet Ups' Can Do Wonders For Your Dating Life

Research shows that you can test the waters with your potential dates before diving headfirst. Here's how it can help your dating game.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | February 28, 2024

Modern dating can be confusing. We're no longer going to neatly labeled dates. We're navigating a maze of "hangouts" and "meet-ups" that blur the lines between casual encounters and romantic interest.

This evolution reflects a broader shift in social interactions, heavily influenced by the digital age and the expansive networks facilitated by dating apps. These platforms promise a sea of potential partners. Yet, ironically, the convenience they offer seems to coincide with a rise in singlehood.

The issue lies not just in the volume of choices but in the depth of connections formed through screens. Profiles, despite being designed to showcase personalities and interests, often fall short of conveying the nuanced essence of an individual. Photos enhanced by AI may captivate the eye but can obscure the genuine self, leading to interactions built on curated personas rather than authentic connection.

It's within this context that the "pre-first date meet-up" gains its appeal. Consider this scenario:

You have been flirting back and forth with someone you met on a dating app, but it's only been a couple of days. You are out with your friends on a Saturday and casually check in on your new match to see what they are up to. Since they mentioned they were also planning a night out with friends, you seize the moment to suggest a spontaneous meet-up. "Why not join forces?" you propose, half-jokingly.

The idea is simple and smart—a group setting where the pressure of one-on-one interactions dissolves into the ease of collective camaraderie. Here are two science-backed reasons why a pre-first date meet-up is likely worth your time.

1. It Allows You To "Verify" Your New Match

While most dating apps offer to "verify" user profiles, the effectiveness of such a verification system is suspect. Even with all these safeguards in place, many dating apps are still teeming with scammers, fraudsters and shady characters. Most online daters today are already investi-dating their matches or potential partners, and a pre-first date meet-up seems to be taking this idea forward.

Think about meeting someone the offline way—maybe you are both at a party and you notice each other and spark up a conversation. Such connections are richer, in some ways, compared to a text conversation because, aside from what is being said, there are nonverbal cues to read too.

A 2013 study published in Computers in Human Behavior suggests that nonverbal cues are crucial in enriching communication and fostering relationship formation. The study, examining interactions through different versions of text chat with varying levels of nonverbal cues, found that those which included more nonverbal cues led to more favorable perceptions among users, a greater exchange of information and a stronger desire to continue developing a relationship.

This highlights the significant role of nonverbal communication in creating deeper connections, underscoring the appeal of a real-world meet-up before going on a one-on-one date with your match. This way, you get a glimpse of how they interact with your friends and how they behave in a natural setting, like a night-out.

2. It Allows You To Interact In A More Natural Setting

First dates can be stressful and anxiety-inducing for some. This stems from the fact that you are putting yourself out there and, by definition, a first date involves some judgment from both sides of the table.

If you feel a strong sense of connection with someone you've been talking to for a while, it is imperative that you exude and extract authenticity in your interactions with them. A casual, laid-back atmosphere, where both parties can let their guards down, can significantly facilitate this authenticity.

This concept of authenticity in dating is supported by a 2019 study published in Personality and Individual Differences, which underscores the importance of "being yourself" in fostering successful long-term relationships. The study suggests that authenticity is linked to emotional intelligence, secure attachment and low levels of narcissism—traits that are conducive to positive relational outcomes. By facilitating a scenario where you and your match can naturally exhibit these qualities, the pre-first date meet-up aligns with the study's findings.

Such meet-ups not only allow for a more accurate reading of what your match is all about, but also set the stage for relationships built on genuine connection and mutual understanding, underpinning the psychological appeal of this modern approach to dating.

Not sure if you're truly attracted to a new match? Take the Interpersonal Attraction Scale to learn more.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.