2 Ways 'Relationship Pedestal Beliefs' Can Cause Problems In Your Love Life
Here's two reasons why an idealistic view on love and relationships might be setting you up for failure.
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | May 07, 2024
"Relationship pedestal beliefs" refer to a set of beliefs that idealize being in a romantic relationship. Individuals with such beliefs often adopt the perspective that one cannot be happy or complete without a romantic partner.
A 2024 study examined the reasons why many individuals, both single and partnered, hold these beliefs and highlighted their detrimental impact on individual and relational well-being.
Here are two reasons why people endorse these unhelpful beliefs, according to the 2024 study.
1. The Fear Of Being Single
Researchers found that single individuals who displayed a greater fear of being single were more likely to endorse relationship pedestal beliefs. This fear was, in turn, associated with experiencing lower daily life satisfaction.
For individuals who are in relationships, endorsing relationship pedestal beliefs is also associated with a greater fear of being single as well as lower relationship satisfaction. This may be because a fear of being single prompted them to choose inappropriate partnerships rather than choosing a partner with intention.
Research shows that the fear of being single can create a longing for ex-partners, a higher likelihood of reaching out to them and a willingness to settle for less in relationships for the sake of being in them. Making relationship decisions based on this fear creates an unhealthy pattern of devaluing one's deeper needs and often ends in frustration, resentment and unhappiness on both ends.
A fear of being single can sound like worrying that you will be "forever alone," that it is too late to meet someone, that it will only get harder to do so as you get older or that there is something wrong with you for being single. These thoughts can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, elevate the risk of depressive symptoms and significantly impact psychological well-being.
"Certainly, entering and maintaining romantic and intimate relationships plays an important role in fostering feelings of security and closeness. As such, relationship pedestal beliefs may generally serve adaptive functions but undermine well-being when these beliefs trigger fears and anxieties about singlehood," the researchers explain.
Further, research shows that many single people are flourishing in their lives and that a mindset shift around singlehood is required. In fact, single people who have meaningful, reliable friendships and the ability to meet their sexual needs without a partner are much less likely to hold relationship pedestal beliefs.
"Our findings highlight that one possible way to combat fears of being single may be to lower people's endorsement of relationship pedestal beliefs by presenting an alternative societal view—that people can be happily single," the researchers write.
2. Societal Pressure To Date
"Relationship pedestal beliefs are not simply a reflection of individual insecurities but also a distinct construct reflecting broader societal values and beliefs," the researchers write.
Relationship pedestal beliefs often stem from the social pressure to be in a relationship, the glamorization of marriage, child-rearing and deep-rooted societal beliefs that condemn singlehood.
While individual factors such as high attachment anxiety may play a role in exacerbating fears of singlehood, research shows that singles also face widespread stigma and are often discriminated against, which can deter them from embracing singlehood.
The societal narrative surrounding marriage and family is deeply conditioned into a person at a young age and can perpetuate a rigid framework that disregards individual preferences, needs and timelines. These practices are also strongly defended by their proponents since they tend to create a sense of order and act as a guide for how things "should be."
Moreover, the pervasive notion that finding a romantic partner is the ultimate life goal imposes undue pressure, compelling individuals to remain in unhappy relationships.
Researchers also suggest that individuals who endorse "just world beliefs" and have a lower self-concept may be more inclined to conform to these societal norms and prioritize being accepted by others rather than forming individual opinions on what may be right for them, which further impacts their well-being.
Remember, being in a relationship does not define your worth, how lovable or attractive you are or how well your life is going. Tap into the variety of sources of joy in your life to see the abundance in it rather than focusing on the perceived lack. Unlearn the belief that you need a romantic relationship to be happy as this could be the very thing blocking you from a happier life.
Wondering how strong your fear of being single is? Take this test: Fear Of Being Single Scale
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.