2 Ways Men Get Trapped In The 'Manosphere'—And How Some Manage To Break Free

The 'manosphere' is an echochamber that's indescribably dangerous. Here's why it can be so alluring, and how some men break out of it.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | July 11, 2024

The "manosphere" refers to a collection of websites, blogs, online forums and communities focusing on men's rights, men's interests and critiques of feminism. The manosphere is controversial and often criticized for promoting misogyny, toxic masculinity and harmful stereotypes about both men and women.

The manosphere largely consists of the following types of groups:

• Men's rights activists. Such groups advocate for what they consider as men's rights and aim to address perceived discrimination against men in society.
• Pick-up artists. This community focuses on teaching men strategies to attract and seduce women, often emphasizing manipulation and psychological tactics to do so.
• Red pill men. Deriving its name from "The Matrix," this community believes in "taking the red pill" or awakening to what adherents view as the true nature of gender dynamics and societal structures, which involves a critical view of feminism and reinforces traditional gender roles.
• Incels. Involuntary celibates or "Incels" are a subculture of men who feel they are unable to find romantic or sexual partners despite wanting them. Their group discussions are often rooted in feelings of frustration and resentment towards women.

Here are two primary reasons why some men are drawn to the manosphere.

1. Nursing Heartbreak And Recontextualizing Rejection

A 2023 study details the journey of radicalization and deradicalization of ex-members of the manosphere, based on accounts of users from two subreddits, r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill, that support such individuals in their exit process.

Often, users found themselves drawn to the manosphere as a result of experiencing romantic rejection and frustration within their dating lives as well as grappling with feelings of masculine inadequacy.

Such individuals often experienced loneliness and low self-esteem, which were reinforced by the narratives of "alpha" and "beta" men in the manosphere. This dichotomy categorizes men into "alphas," viewed as confident, assertive and successful with women and "betas," who are portrayed as submissive, less successful and more prone to rejection.

Heartbreak and rejection can cause significant emotional distress and men who feel hurt, confused or angry might look for explanations and support under these circumstances. Those experiencing rejection might see themselves as betas and believe that adopting alpha traits could improve their success with women.

However, the alpha/beta framework often perpetuates negative attitudes towards women, viewing them through a lens of competition and conquest, rather than mutual respect and partnership.

"For some users, the red pill was appealing after experiencing a difficult breakup or being cheated on, whereby such challenging personal experiences could be explained by the ideological belief that women are evolutionarily-wired to cheat or manipulate men," explains the author of the study, Joshua Thorburn.

Thorburn found that manosphere narratives can also cause mental distress and reinforce a negative self-perception of being unattractive or too emotionally sensitive to appeal to women, encouraging users to embody the more cold and distant "alpha" archetype.

"I had realized the real issue...I had nearly all the traits described about these so-called 'betas'. I understood that if I wanted to stand out I needed to be cold, careless, and maybe even a little mean sometimes and have many options with women and socially stand out, because according to the red pill that's what the female nature looks for, and I truly thought that and that it made sense about why I've failed with all the girls I've fell in love with," one user shared.

2. The Need For A Support System

"A relatively common radicalization pathway stems from men and boys seeking advice and help for the psychosocial challenges they face online, which led them to manosphere figures who post videos offering motivational, self-help and dating advice to this demographic. Notably, such videos could offer (mis-)guidance to users facing significant personal difficulties," Thorburn writes.

Some men might struggle with understanding their role in modern society, amidst evolving gender norms. Men who feel isolated or struggle to form meaningful connections might also turn to online communities for camaraderie and a sense of belonging.

Thorburn found that experiencing traumatic childhood events and being at a younger and more impressionable age can also influence radicalization into the manosphere, as adolescents strive to make sense of their emotions and relationships and establish a sense of identity. The manosphere steps in to provide this sense of identity and purpose, emphasizing traditional masculinity as the solution.

Manosphere communities also function as echo chambers, where members share similar stories and ideas, reinforcing the belief that their experiences are part of a larger pattern, with moderators discouraging dissenting views.

How Men Can Exit The Manosphere

Once embedded in the manosphere, leaving can be challenging due to the strong sense of community and validation members receive. Exiting requires both personal reflection and external support.

Thorburn found that more than being exposed to counter-narratives, deeper introspection and recognizing the negative impact these communities can have on one's mental health, relationships and overall well-being led users to question their beliefs.

"For many users, the process of deradicalization from the manosphere stemmed from a recognition that the ideologies they had subscribed to were either hurting themselves or others they deeply cared about," Thorburn writes.

"For some deradicalized users, positive, compassionate experiences with women challenged the manosphere's misogynistic tropes about women. Having female friends helped them to learn to see the shared humanity and similarities between men and women, with this experience contradicting the manosphere's depiction of women being predominantly malevolent and manipulative actors," Thorburn continues.

Finding alternative communities like r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit can also act as a buffer to joining or becoming more deeply embedded in the manosphere. It is also essential for men to have access to professional mental health support and stronger support systems within family, peers and mentors that enhance their well-being and self-esteem.

"Users described that the futility and inauthenticity at attempting to perform the facade of an imagined alpha-like masculinity was ultimately unsustainable, leading them to reassess their relationship with the red pill. Journeys away from the manosphere were just as much grounded in self-acceptance than anything else," Thorburn concludes.

It is both possible and essential for men to question the manosphere and seek true sources of support that help them embrace their authentic selves, as the manosphere often reinforces their insecurities and harmful narratives about rejection.

By considering diverse perspectives and realizing that feminism is not meant to harm them but is instead a movement for gender equality that benefits everyone, men can begin to appreciate themselves as they are, rather than buying into the "alpha mentality" and create more fulfilling and genuine relationships with themselves and others.

Wondering if traditional narratives of masculinity make you invalidate your own emotions? Take this test to find out: Self-Invalidation Due To Emotion Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.