2 Tests To Know If It's True Compatibility Or Just Chemistry

Strong relationships survive highs and lows. These two tests can reveal if your connection has that resilience.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | August 18, 2025

Meeting someone compatible can be difficult, but being with anyone requires mutual adjustment from both sides. It's not just about finding someone who "gets" you, but rather knows how to handle boredom, conflict and daily stressors.

Compatibility may look different to everyone, but some values stand true for all. Here are some questions that help you determine how compatible you are with your partner:

• Do you feel safe speaking up around them?
• How well do you resolve problems as a team?
• Do you share the same life goals and values?
• How do you draw a balance between "me" time and time together?

Here are two ways to answer these questions of compatibility in real life, and assess the strength of your relationship.

1. The Vacation Compatibility Test

Travelling together stands out as a powerful way to put relationships to "test." This is because travelling often puts us in new environments and situations where our "true colors" come to light. You'll likely see your partner at their best and their worst.

Travelling together reveals how you two solve problems together, how planned or spontaneous you are and how you emotionally regulate yourselves. For instance, one partner saying "I'm good with anything" while you struggle to pick out a restaurant, only for them to reject your cuisine choices more than once, may make you want to give up on the spot.

During your next vacation, ask yourselves these questions to reflect on key aspects of your relationship:

• Problem-solving: Do you tackle challenges as a team or turn on each other under pressure?
• Spontaneity vs. structure: How do you plan your trip? One person's "go-with-the-flow" can be another's nightmare.
• Emotional regulation: How does each of you handle setbacks and changes?
• Social preferences: Are your ideal days aligned in terms of how much rest or adventure you want?

There are, in fact, some traits that "win" the vacation compatibility test. A 2025 study published in Tourism Review explored the personality traits and conflict styles that are most important for keeping relationships strong during travel. They found that displaying openness, agreeableness and being obliging as a conflict resolution strategy is essential for relationship maintenance.

If you prefer to go with the flow, for instance, you can try to be more agreeable to your partner who prefers a planned schedule for the day. But if you're the organized one, being open to new experiences can reduce friction with your partner, while you find new ways to enjoy the trip.

A 2015 study published in the Journal of Travel Research also found that vacation satisfaction is linked to relationship satisfaction and commitment. So, if done right, vacations can bring you closer.

2. The Live-In Compatibility Test

Living together is an important decision that requires a lot of foresight, trust and commitment to your partner. It turns out, relationship outcomes vary based on the intent behind this decision. Are you living together as part of the dating process? Are you living together with clear plans for a future together? Or is it out of pure convenience?

Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships studied over 1300 never-married couples who live together. Researchers found that engaged couples who are aligned on marriage plans had the best relationship outcomes, whereas couples with mismatched goals on marriage were the least satisfied and had more conflict.

So, before the two of you agree to move in together, discuss whether you're on the same page about marriage. While many couples tend to live together due to financial constraints, do not live with someone just to relieve economic burden or because it "just happened." Your intent to move in should stem from genuine feelings and love for them.

Once you do move in together, you'll start to find out more about your partner, their qualities and quirks. It's worth having early, detailed conversations about things like routines, finances, household rules and personal space. Try to figure out answers to these questions:

• Do you wake up and wind down at similar times, or does one of you feel out of sync?
• How do you feel about dishes left in the sink overnight?
• Do you split all bills equally, or do you split proportionately?
• How often should you have guests over?
• Can you relax around each other even when you're not doing the same thing?

Living together brings out how you both navigate the everyday nitty-gritty. The rules can change, but the important thing is that you're both okay with the system you build for yourselves.

Once you do, you get an idea of the big picture: Can I do life with this person, not just the fun parts, but also the mundane and the messy?

Travelling and living together give you enough time to find out each others' habits, strengths and areas for improvement.

It tells you how "safe" you feel around them (do you still run to the bathroom or balcony just to fart or can you be in the same room and laugh it off?) and how well you solve problems, from splitting chores to figuring out the best path on a hike. You learn if you can spend time apart as well as you spend time together, and how much time apart is best for both of you.

While compatibility comes naturally to a large extent, partners can also learn to be better for each other with time. They can learn to compromise, adjust to each other's routines and fulfil each other's needs. Compatibility often requires evolution, and can grow as the relationship does.

Are you and your partner truly compatible? Take this science-backed test to learn where your relationship stands: Relationship Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.