2 Dangerous Effects Of Being Deprived Of Affection

Being shown affection by your partner is one of the simplest ways to feel loved. But what happens when you're deprived of it?

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | February 28, 2024

"Affection deprivation" refers to an inadequacy of emotional warmth, care and nurturing in one's life, particularly in interpersonal relationships. It occurs when individuals do not receive the necessary level of affectionate behaviors such as physical touch, verbal expressions of love, emotional support or acts of kindness that they need from others. One can experience such deprivation in various contexts, including family relationships, friendships, romantic partnerships or even in broader social interactions.

Here are two psychological consequences of affection deprivation, according to research.

1. It Can Gradually Erode Your Mental Health

A 2021 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships examined the long-term effects of affection deprivation during the Covid-19 pandemic and found that it was associated with stress, depression and loneliness, which is linked to a higher risk of mortality.

Affection deprivation can trigger negative beliefs about oneself, such as feeling unlovable, unwanted or undeserving of affection. These negative self-perceptions often exacerbate feelings of loneliness and depression, as individuals struggle to cultivate a sense of self-worth or fulfill the fundamental human need to belong.

Affectionate gestures and social support are also important coping tools in times of stress and adversity. The absence of supportive, affectionate relationships can exacerbate existing psychological conditions or make a person more vulnerable to them.

A 2022 study published in Personal Relationships found that receiving personally appropriate levels of affection supports better health across the board. In fact, even excessive levels of affection were associated with lower depression, loneliness, physical pain and higher sleep quality while deficient levels of affection were not.

Depriving ourselves of the opportunity to be affectionate toward others may also take a toll on our mental health. Research suggests that expressing affection to others enhances our own happiness and self-esteem, helps us get over our fear of intimacy and makes us less susceptible to depression.

2. It Can Affect Your Love Life

Affection deprivation can cause individuals to experience a lower sense of security in love and withdraw from social interactions due to a fear of rejection or doubts about their ability to emotionally connect with others.

It also creates emotional distance between couples. Without regular expressions of love and support, partners may feel disconnected from one another, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. In fact, a lack of affection is linked to lower marital quality, emotional intimacy and lower levels of relational satisfaction and closeness.

Affectionate behaviors such as hugs, kisses and words of affirmation help to build trust and security in relationships. A 2023 study published in Scientific Reports even asserts that affectionate touch is an essential component of loving relationships. When individuals do not receive affection, they may feel uncertain about their partner's feelings and intentions. Individuals may also feel unfulfilled or neglected, leading to frustration and anger towards their partner.

However, expressing and receiving affection can enhance one's level of investment and commitment in a relationship. For instance, research shows that receiving affection can influence one's perceptions of relationship transgressions by lowering their perceived severity and feelings of hurt or rumination after such events.

All things considered, addressing affection deprivation in your life is crucial. Here are some ways to navigate its detrimental effects:

• Practice self-compassion. It is important to acknowledge feelings of affection deprivation rather than trying to ignore them. Understanding the toll it takes on your mental and emotional health is the first step in addressing it. Reflect on any negative self-perceptions that accompany these feelings and practice more balanced, positive self-talk to counter this inner narrative.
• Seek support. Addressing affection deprivation requires fostering supportive and nurturing relationships, both with oneself and others. This may include actively pursuing opportunities for social connection, seeking therapy to address underlying emotional issues and learning to express and receive affection in healthy ways. Building connections with others can also mitigate feelings of loneliness and isolation.
• Communicate your needs. Express your need for affection to those close to you. Let them know how their actions or lack thereof affect you and what you need from them to feel truly loved and supported.
• Practice self-care. Engage in activities that promote your well-being such as exercise, meditation, creating a meal you love or spending time in nature. Taking care of yourself is a form of self-love that is essential in the face of affection deprivation. Cultivate gratitude for the love and support you do receive, however small it may seem.

Healing from affection deprivation can take time and effort. Be patient with yourself as you navigate these emotions and work towards building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Remember that you are deserving of love and affection and that you have the power to create positive change in your life.

Affection deprivation can leave you feeling lonely, even in a romantic relationship. Take this test to find out how deeply it may be impacting you: Loneliness In Intimate Relationships Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.