These 2 Tips Will Strengthen Your 'Emotional Accountability' Skills

In a moment of crisis, do you choose fight, flight or freeze? Research shows that your emotional approach can make all the difference.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | February 14, 2024

Acknowledging and taking accountability for our emotions is an essential life skill beyond mere psychological strength. Inability to do so can lead to a myriad of consequences, negatively affecting our mental health, relationships and overall quality of life.

When we neglect our emotions, they don't simply disappear—they fester beneath the surface, bubbling up at inconvenient times and in unfortunate ways. Unacknowledged feelings can morph into stress, anxiety or even resentment, creating an emotional burden that weighs heavily on our minds.

Ignoring our emotions can also lead to strained relationships as unexpressed feelings may find an outlet in passive-aggressive behavior or sudden outbursts. Furthermore, research has established connections between long-term emotional suppression and physical health issues, underscoring the unbreakable bond between emotional and physical well-being.

In any situation, there's a short but critical window between stimulus and response and the choices one makes with it are deeply rooted in our emotional intelligence. In moments of confrontation or strife,

• Choosing to approach the challenge reflects a constructive and proactive mindset. This decision involves understanding the problem, analyzing potential solutions and engaging in open communication.
• Opting to avoid a situation signals a preference for disengagement or withdrawal, possibly driven by fear, discomfort or a desire to sidestep confrontation. While avoidance may offer temporary relief, it often fails to address underlying issues, leading to missed opportunities for growth and understanding.
• Choosing to attack a challenge may entail responding with aggression, defensiveness or hostility, often stemming from intense emotions like anger, frustration or fear. Such an aggressive approach can harm relationships, impede effective problem-solving and escalate conflict.

At this juncture, taking accountability for our emotions becomes crucial. Understanding and owning our feelings empowers us to respond more effectively and nurture healthier relationships. Here are two ways to take accountability for your emotions.

1. Consider The Narrative You Are Creating

Emotions often surface in situations where information is incomplete or ambiguous, prompting our minds to swiftly craft narratives that may not accurately reflect reality. Take, for instance, sending a message to a friend who takes time to respond. In the absence of clear information, your mind might fill in the gaps with assumptions—what if they're upset? What if they aren't interested in talking to you? What if something is wrong in your relationship?

Here, taking accountability for your emotions would mean consciously examining your mental narrative. Instead of immediately accepting assumptions as fact, ask yourself: "Am I assuming my friend's feelings without enough evidence?" Recognize that your mind has created a narrative based on incomplete information.

Being attuned to how your imagination shapes emotional responses is a key to considering alternative explanations and mitigating initial negativity by questioning assumptions. For instance, if your friend delays responding, reminding yourself that factors like busyness, technical issues or personal matters could be influencing their actions can help calm your emotions and let reason take over.

2. Pay Attention To Your Physical Sensations

In a 2013 study, researchers "mapped" body areas associated with various emotions. The results indicated that basic emotions were correlated with increased activity in the upper chest, suggesting a connection to the impact on breathing and heart rate. Sensations were also reported in the head, potentially influenced by facial expressions and mental processes, illustrating the tangible presence of emotions in our bodies beyond the mind.

Hence, when confronted with intense feelings, watch out for bodily sensations such as muscle tension, an accelerated heartbeat, shallow breathing or a knot in your stomach. Pay close attention to these signs, as heightened bodily sensations can intensify emotions, leading to reactive responses instead of thoughtful ones.

Addressing these physical signs serves as a crucial pause button before emotions take over and begin to dictate reactions. Allow your body to recalibrate and establish a buffer between stimulus and response. Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness or physical activity act as tools to regulate physical arousal, intentionally altering your physical response, ultimately alleviating your emotional state.

Conclusion

Taking accountability for your emotions is not an admission of weakness but a testament to your emotional intelligence. The choices we make in responding to situations are intimately tied to our emotional intelligence and taking accountability for our emotions is a key factor in navigating challenges and building meaningful connections with others.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.