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A Psychologist's Advice On How To Conquer Your New Year's Resolutions

Mark Travers, Ph.D.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D.

February 1, 2024

Mark Travers, Ph.D., is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, responsible for new client intake and placement. Mark received his B.A. in psychology, magna cum laude, from Cornell University and his M.A. and Ph.D. from the University of Colorado Boulder. His academic research has been published in leading psychology journals and has been featured in The New York Times and The New Yorker, among other popular publications. He is a regular contributor for Forbes and Psychology Today, where he writes about psycho-educational topics such as happiness, relationships, personality, and life meaning. Click here to schedule an initial consultation with Mark or another member of the Awake Therapy team. Or, you can drop him a note here.

Unsure of how to make meaningful resolutions? Here's four tips for the new year and a new you.

It is around this time of year that many of us find ourselves thinking deeply about what we've accomplished over the past twelve months. We may think about all the new places we've traveled, the friends we've made or advancements we've made in our career. We may be satisfied with our yearly progress. But, more likely that not, we probably feel some degree of regret for not achieving more.

At the same time, we start thinking about the year ahead and all of our grand plans for making it our best year ever. We convince ourselves that we'llcommit to our exercise regimen—and not just for the first three weeks of January. We map out how we'll find "the one" by year's end. We finally figure out how we'll make our voice heard at work. We repair that relationship with an estranged family member.

Engaging in this type of self-reflection, planning, and goal-setting is a very healthy exercise. However, it's important to put some guardrails around it so that our wheels of thought don't start spinning too fast. Remember, whenever we're dealing with the big emotions of optimism, regret, ambition and longing, all rolled up into one, psychological distress can ensue.

Here are four ways to keep your New Year's aspirations in the realm of the possible and productive.

1. Start With The Easy Fix

2. Add Something New

All psychologists will tell you that change is hard. Simply telling yourself "I'm going to change my eating habits" or "I'm going to change my dating habits" can be more self-punishing than self-enhancing.

A better approach, therefore, is to add something entirely new into your life—and make that your resolution. Tell yourself, "I'm going to sign up for that three-day yoga retreat and see what happens" or "I'll try that new activity that my friend has been bugging me to try."

By making space for something new we can phase out other habits that are no longer serving us.

3. Take Something Away

Our brains are hardwired to think in terms of categories, boxes and boundaries. You're either young or old, democrat or republican, introverted or extraverted. For example, it's easier for you to conjure up an image of a young-extraverted-democrat than a middle-aged-independent-ambivert, right?

We have a natural aversion to ambiguity—it makes us feel unsettled. In the spirit of capitalizing on our brain's affinity for hard lines and clear boundaries, consider making your resolution an experiment in simplicity by removing something from your life. "I'm no longer going to go to X place" or "I'm removing Y food from my diet" are a couple of thought starters.

This type of resolution can be easier to stick to than more nebulous ones, like "I'm going to approach life with more patience in 2024" or "I'm resolving to be more joyful next year."

4. It's Okay To Not Make A Resolution

Finally, it's always okay to not make a resolution. Not making a resolution is one way of saying "I'm content with where I am"—and there's no better feeling than that.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com,here.