5 Ways That Self-Acceptance Can Uplift 'Imperfect Parents'
By Mark Travers, Ph.D.
May 8, 2024
By Mark Travers, Ph.D.
May 8, 2024
Mark Travers, Ph.D., is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, responsible for new client intake and placement. Mark received his B.A. in psychology, magna cum laude, from Cornell University and his M.A. and Ph.D. from the University of Colorado Boulder. His academic research has been published in leading psychology journals and has been featured in The New York Times and The New Yorker, among other popular publications. He is a regular contributor for Forbes and Psychology Today, where he writes about psycho-educational topics such as happiness, relationships, personality, and life meaning. Click here to schedule an initial consultation with Mark or another member of the Awake Therapy team. Or, you can drop him a note here.
Nobody's perfect. And for parents, the sooner you come to terms with it, the better off you'll be.
It's natural to aspire to give your children the best—to surpass your own parents, to provide them with everything you might have yearned for as a child and to give them a happy and memorable childhood.
However, while these expectations are normal, it's crucial not to fall into the trap of self-condemnation when things don't always align as planned. There's no guide to perfect parenting, nor is there an ideal method to raise happy and healthy children without encountering challenges.
Adjusting expectations to reflect the realities of parenting can prevent feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Take a moment to relax and release the internalized pursuit of perfection and self-criticism as a parent.
Embracing "Good Enough Parenting" Through Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is treating oneself with kindness, understanding and acceptance, especially in times of difficulty, failure or suffering. It involves extending yourself the same compassion you might offer to a close friend or a loved one in a similar situation.
A 2022 study found that when parents lack compassion toward themselves, they often experience increased feelings of isolation, self-judgment and over-identification.
This self-critical and harsh inner dialogue can increase stress levels and negatively impact well-being. Self-compassion can help mitigate these adverse effects and promote resilience in the face of challenges.
Here are five mindfulness practices geared towards fostering self-compassion when parenting gets stressful:
By showing ourselves kindness and compassion in the face of our own imperfections, we demonstrate to our children the importance of self-care and self-compassion. This sets the stage for them to develop a healthy relationship with their own mistakes and imperfections, fostering resilience and self-acceptance. In this way, acknowledging and embracing the imperfect nature of parenting can alleviate undue stress and foster a healthier environment for both parents and children.
Do you constantly pick on yourself for your parenting mistakes? Take the Parental Burnout Assessment to know how it might be affecting your mental well-being.
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com,here.
