3 Ways To Support Your Wife Through 'Motherhood Penalty'

Mothers have one of the hardest jobs in the world. Here's how to support them in pursuing their passions and aspirations, free from discrimination or bias.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | March 01, 2024

Women make up nearly half of the workforce in the United States and a significant portion of these women are mothers. According to a 2023 report, approximately 71% of mothers with children at home are employed. Additionally, the Center for American Progress notes that in 41% of American households with children, women serve as the primary or sole breadwinner. Despite these statistics, becoming a mother often results in decreased earnings and earning potential for women.

Research shows that the earnings gap between heterosexual spouses doubles between two years before the birth of their first child and one year after. This gap widens until the child reaches age 10 and, although it may decrease thereafter, it never fully disappears—a phenomenon known as the "Motherhood Penalty."

To explain this, a 2020 study identified several factors contributing to the widening motherhood wage gap, estimated at approximately 3.6-3.8%.

• Wage disparities concerning the total number of children result from mothers' reduced work experience and missed career prospects due to childcare duties.
• Conversely, disparities linked to having one child predominantly arise from mothers choosing lower-paying positions, often to accommodate child care duties or due to biases in the labor market, thereby exacerbating the wage gap compared to child-free women.

The implications extend beyond the workplace, affecting a woman's personal life in the following ways:

• Reduced income can strain household finances and lead to family tension
• Feeling undervalued professionally can impact a woman's self-esteem and overall happiness
• The motherhood penalty influences family dynamics, potentially leading to relationship strains and heightened stress at home
• Balancing career and family obligations often results in women sacrificing their well-being, feeling overwhelmed and emotionally drained

Here are three ways you can help your partner overcome the motherhood penalty.

1. Encourage Collaborative Problem-Solving Sessions

The benefits of collaborative efforts between partners to enhance relationship satisfaction are well-established. If your partner is grappling with challenges stemming from systemic issues like the motherhood penalty, set aside time for joint problem-solving sessions. Approach these sessions as strategic brainstorming endeavors, where both of you work together to devise innovative solutions.

Embrace an open-minded attitude, encouraging curiosity and creativity to explore unconventional ideas and approaches. Your steadfast support can empower your partner to actively engage in finding solutions that align with her unique circumstances.

Moreover, this collaborative endeavor cultivates a sense of partnership and solidarity, strengthening your relationship as you address the systemic barriers impacting her personal and professional life. It offers an opportunity to deepen mutual understanding and reinforce respect, creating a supportive environment where both partners feel valued and heard.

2. Share Household Responsibilities

A study published in the Journal of Family and Economic Issues highlights the gendered dynamics of parenting labor division and its interaction with work preferences. It shows that mothers in dual-earner households experience greater parenting inequalities compared to fathers, even after accounting for housework disparities. This inequality negatively affects relationship quality, especially for mothers, due to perceived unfairness in parenting task allocation. Additionally, part-time working mothers face amplified detrimental effects, as their preferred work hours often differ from their actual hours.

Taking proactive steps to share household and childcare duties with your spouse, including cooking, cleaning and childcare, not only eases her burden but also demonstrates a commitment to equality and partnership.

Collaboratively establishing a fair division of labor, considering each partner's needs, strengths and commitments, fosters mutual respect and understanding. Sharing of responsibilities also creates a supportive environment that enables your spouse to pursue her career goals with greater focus, knowing that she has your unwavering support at home.

3. Advocate For Workplace Equality

Supporting your wife means actively advocating for workplace policies and practices that uphold gender equality and empower working mothers. Speak out against discriminatory practices and champion initiatives like flexible work arrangements, parental leave policies and equal pay. Research from Stanford University suggests that legal mandates hold promise in addressing the "motherhood penalty."

By joining forces with your wife in advocating for these important issues, you not only demonstrate your dedication to her well-being but also contribute to creating a more inclusive and supportive work environment for all women. Your advocacy can be a catalyst for change, helping to dismantle systemic barriers and tackle the underlying causes of gender inequality.

Moreover, your active involvement in advocacy sends a powerful message of solidarity to your wife, showing that you stand beside her in the struggle for workplace equality. This shared commitment can inspire positive change within your workplace and community, creating a ripple effect in favor of a culture of support and inclusivity for working mothers.

Is paying the motherhood penalty emptying your cup? Take this test to know if you are inching close to a burnout: Parental Burnout Assessment

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.