3 Ways To Rediscover Passion In Your Marriage
Lacking spark in your marriage? Here's three ways to reignite it.
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | January 20, 2025
Are you at a stage in your marriage where life together feels like an endless routine? Perhaps the potent love and excitement that once filled your relationship seem like distant memories, replaced by the quiet hum of daily obligations.
You may find yourself reminiscing about the moments that made you fall in love with your partner—the joy of their presence, the way their smile lit up when they saw you or the endless hours spent talking about nothing and everything. Those moments turned into days, then years, and somewhere along the way, the thrill of being in love faded away.
If this feels familiar, you may be experiencing a loss of intimacy—not just physical, but emotional. But, this is an opportunity to turn things around—for both you and your partner. With simple yet intentional effort, you can reclaim lost passion and prevent your lives from slipping by in quiet discontent.
Here are three powerful ways to breathe new life into your relationship, according to research.
1. Find Your Way Back To Each Other
If you feel the passion dwindling in your relationship, it's high time to make your marriage a priority again. Life's demands often take over, leaving little time or energy for yourself or your partner. Whether it's kids, facing challenges at work or an endless pile of mundane chores, as much as you want to connect, these responsibilities seem to constantly put your relationship on the back burner.
To counter this, start by tracking how much uninterrupted, intentional time you actually spend together in a day. If it's less than 10%, schedule blocks of time where you consciously engage with each other. This simple exercise can reveal gaps in the day you didn't even realize were there.
Once you've carved out this much-needed time for your relationship, here are three ways to make it a true priority again:
- Create a 'connection ritual.' Design a 5-10-minute ritual that's unique to the two of you—whether it's having coffee together in the morning, taking a short evening walk or listening to a favorite song and dancing. These small acts create "micro-moments" of intimacy and connection.
- Schedule a 'relationship meeting' once a week. Dedicate one hour weekly to sit down together and talk intentionally about your relationship. Share the highs and lows of the week, express gratitude for something your partner did and identify one thing to work on together for the next week. This builds consistency and purpose in your connection.
- Start a shared gratitude practice. Keep a shared journal where you each write down one thing you're grateful for about the other every night. Over time, seeing these notes builds appreciation and rekindles affection.
2. Be Intentional About Your Experiences Together
Spending quality time together is vital for maintaining a healthy relationship, but it's not just about the amount of time—it's about the quality of that interaction.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that couples who engage in novel and exciting activities together experience greater relationship satisfaction. Such shared adventures reduce feelings of boredom and reignite connection, showing that breaking out of routines is key to keeping your bond strong.
Here are three ways to break out of your routine and create meaningful, shared experiences:
- Plan a getaway to a new destination. Travel to a place neither of you has been before. Exploring new surroundings together encourages teamwork and builds shared memories that strengthen your connection.
- Take on a challenge together. Try something adventurous like a cooking class, hiking a challenging trail or tackling an escape room together. These experiences create excitement and trust as you work through something new as a team.
- Create a couple's bucket list. Write down activities you've always wanted to try together—whether it's stargazing, learning a new skill or attending a live concert. Checking off these goals gives you something to look forward to and shared moments to cherish.
Other ideas include hosting a themed night at home, rediscovering your own city as a tourist or working on a shared project like a garden or redecorating a room. These intentional experiences bring joy, laughter and nurture your unique bond.
3. Rediscover The Joy Of Emotional And Physical Intimacy
Once you've reestablished communication and begun spending meaningful time together, it's time to focus on the smaller, everyday gestures that rekindle emotional and physical intimacy.
Over time, these gestures—such as holding hands, hugging or kissing—may have felt unnecessary or even uncomfortable. But, they're often the foundation of deeper connection and lasting passion.
Here are three ways to rediscover intimacy with your partner:
- Start with a 20-second hug each day. A study published in Psychoneuroendocrinology highlights the role of oxytocin in fostering emotional closeness. Affectionate touch, including hugs, increase oxytocin levels, enhancing emotional bonding and reducing stress. Make it a habit to embrace your partner for a full 20 seconds daily. This simple act can strengthen both emotional and physical intimacy over time.
- Create a nightly 'skin-to-skin moment.' Spend a few minutes every night lying close together—holding hands, touching feet or cuddling while watching a show or reading. A 2021 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that affectionate touch, even non-sexual, is strongly associated with greater psychological well-being in relationships.Researchers suggest that even more "avoidant" individuals—who prioritize their autonomy—can benefit from small, consistent gestures of touch.
- Reintroduce small romantic gestures. Surprise your partner with simple acts of affection, like leaving a note on their pillow, running your fingers through their hair or making them a cup of tea. These small acts remind your partner that they're loved and appreciated, which can reignite feelings of closeness and attraction over time.
A thriving marriage is built on mutual care, and when both partners prioritize rekindling joy and passion, the results can be transformative. These actions send a powerful message: your relationship is worth the effort, and with intention, you can turn routine right back into romance.
Curious about where your marriage stands in terms of quality? Take the science-backed Marital Satisfaction Scale to find out.
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.