3 Ways That 'Sibling Revelry' Can Change Your Life For The Better

Sibling rivalry is out; 'sibling revelry' is in. Here's how striving for a happy family dynamic can spread joy to other areas of your life.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | June 13, 2024

Sibling relationships are among the most enduring connections in a person's life, often outlasting friendships and parental bonds. A literature review highlights how siblings play a central role in family life, significantly impacting child and adolescent development. Why then, despite their importance, are sibling relationships overlooked?

When discussing siblings, conflicts and rivalries often take the spotlight. However, it's the instances of "sibling revelry," as opposed to sibling rivalry that truly fortify sibling bonds and contribute to psychological resilience. This can include shared experiences of fun, cooperation and empathy. Sibling relationships are essential for emotional and social development, offering a supportive foundation to navigate life's challenges.

Here are three ways sibling revelry acts as a buffer against emotional turmoil in relationships.

1. Enhanced Emotional Intelligence

Sibling revelry fosters the development of emotional intelligence, which includes recognizing, understanding and managing one's own emotions and those of others. The effect of positive interactions with siblings among children are manifold:

Recognizing and understanding emotions. From a young age, siblings provide a real-world context for learning about emotions. Through shared experiences, they observe and internalize emotional responses, gaining a deeper understanding of how emotions affect behavior. For example, if a sister notices her brother is unusually quiet after school and asks what's wrong, it creates a safe space for him to share. Research on emotions also highlights that siblings contribute significantly to each other's empathy development, emphasizing the importance of considering all family members in children's socialization processes and emotional literacy.
Developing effective communication skills. Siblings often need to negotiate and compromise during playtime. For example, one might prefer to play a board game while the other wants to play video games. They learn to communicate their preferences and negotiate a solution, perhaps by agreeing to play one game first and then the other. This process hones their communication skills, teaching them to express their desires clearly, listen to each other and find mutually satisfactory solutions—essential skills for all interpersonal relationships.
Managing stress and conflict. When siblings revel in each other's company—they feel motivated to resolve any conflict that may arise between them instead of withdrawing or hurting one another. For example, if siblings disagree while building a fort, one suggests taking a break. After calmly discussing, they agree on a plan. By learning to de-escalate tension and find constructive solutions, they reduce stress and foster a more cooperative and positive relationship.

2. Increased Sense Of Belonging And Security

The sense of belonging and security derived from positive sibling relationships can be a significant protective factor against feelings of isolation and loneliness. Sibling revelry reinforces the idea that individuals are part of a supportive and loving family unit.

A litany of studies suggest that siblings may be the primary source of assistance during challenging situations. Knowing that there is a consistent and reliable source of support within the family can afford immense comfort and stability, helping individuals to cope. This sense of security is particularly important during challenging times, such as:

Relocation. When a family moves to a new city, having a sibling to share the experience significantly eases the stress. Exploring the new neighborhood, attending a new school and making friends together leads to quicker adaptation and reduces feelings of loneliness.
Loss of a loved one. When grieving the loss of a family member, supportive siblings play a crucial role. They comfort each other through shared memories, participate in grieving rituals and provide emotional solace, strengthening their bond and helping them cope in an adaptive manner.
Everyday challenges. Even everyday challenges, such as school stress or social issues, can be mitigated by a strong sibling bond. For example, if one sibling is struggling with a difficult subject at school, the other might help with homework or offer words of encouragement. If one sibling is facing bullying or social exclusion, the other can offer companionship and advice. These everyday interactions and support systems reinforce a sense of belonging and security, helping each sibling feel valued and understood within their family unit.

3. Positive Behavioral Modeling

Sibling revelry often involves older siblings modeling positive behaviors for their younger counterparts. These behaviors can range from social etiquette and problem-solving to coping mechanisms and emotional regulation.

Research suggests that both older and younger siblings initiate learning activities at home. In essence, siblings serving as teachers employ a range of instructional techniques during these informal lessons. Younger siblings who observe and emulate these positive behaviors are more likely to develop healthy habits and attitudes themselves. This kind of role modeling can have a lasting impact, guiding younger siblings toward making constructive choices and fostering a positive outlook on life.

Here are some of the things that siblings can learn by observing their other sibling:

Social etiquette. An older sibling demonstrating good manners, such as saying "please" and "thank you," teaches the younger sibling the importance of social etiquette. Mimicking their older sibling's polite greetings and respectful behaviors, the younger sibling learns to navigate social situations confidently and respectfully throughout life.
Reciprocal benefits. Positive behavioral modeling benefits both siblings. When older siblings see their younger siblings emulating their positive behaviors, it reinforces their own actions and encourages them to continue behaving constructively. For example, an older sibling who notices their younger sibling picking up on their study habits might feel motivated to maintain their academic discipline. This reciprocal reinforcement creates a cycle of positive behavior leading to a supportive and growth-oriented family environment.

The protective power of sibling revelry is a vital aspect of mental health that deserves more attention. Fostering positive sibling relationships is not just about reducing rivalry but about actively promoting interactions that build resilience, empathy and healthy coping mechanisms. In a world where mental health challenges are increasingly prevalent, the role of sibling revelry in nurturing psychological well-being cannot be overstated.

Are you an emotionally safe space for your sibling? Take the Emotional Quotient Inventory to gauge your level of emotional intelligence.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.