3 Signs Your Relationship Could Benefit From A 'Marriage Sabbatical'
A temporary break from your marriage may not be as bad an idea as you think.
By Jourdan Travers, LCSW | November 29, 2023
Couples counseling, a traditional beacon for those experiencing marital troubles, often emphasizes the importance of talking things out, aiming to reach solutions through dialogue and mutual understanding. This approach, undoubtedly valuable, hinges on the belief that proximity and persistent communication are the keys to resolving issues. But what if part of the solution lies in actively creating distance?
That's where the concept of a "marriage sabbatical" comes in. Much like a sabbatical from work allows you to recharge, gain new perspectives and return with renewed vigor and ideas, a marriage sabbatical provides a valuable opportunity for partners to step back, engage in self-reflection and pursue personal growth or interests independently. This time apart can reignite one's sense of individuality and personal purpose that often gets blurred in the daily dynamics of a shared life. In doing so, it can lay the groundwork for partners to come back together with fresh insights, appreciation and a clearer vision for their shared future.
Here are three signs a marriage sabbatical might be the ideal, moderate intervention your relationship needs.
1. You're Both Feeling Stuck In A Rut
The power of accepting that you and your partner are in a rut can be transformative, and there's some evidence to suggest it could be a result of your living arrangement. A 2021 study published in Scientific Reports suggests that our surroundings can deeply affect our emotions.
Coming home to the same environment day in and day out can dull our feelings and perspectives, making everything feel monotonous. We may even start projecting this monotony onto our relationship and blame our partner for being "boring," when in reality, the problem may be more rooted in your living space.
Taking a marriage sabbatical can offer a much-needed change of scenery. This could mean traveling separately to places that hold special memories from the early days of your relationship. The study specifically found a link between natural environments and positive mental states. So, taking a trip out of town to bask in the lushness of the countryside or admire the vastness of the ocean may help put your relationship problems into context.
You don't have to do this with your partner, because the goal is to rediscover your own sense of joy and identity. This break can provide fresh perspectives once you are back, reigniting a sense of individuality and passion that can be brought back into the relationship, potentially transforming it for the better.
2. The Smallest Disagreements Frequently Snowball Into Full-Blown Fights
It's not uncommon in relationships for minor misunderstandings to unexpectedly escalate into major arguments. A 2019 study reveals that happy couples effectively manage conflicts by concentrating on solvable issues and maintaining a solution-oriented mindset. This insight is particularly relevant when considering a marriage sabbatical.
The time apart during a sabbatical offers a unique opportunity for each partner to independently reflect on their approach to conflict resolution. Without the immediate pressure of daily disagreements, they can cultivate a more objective perspective which can help them pick their battles more effectively. This break can lead to significant personal growth, enabling both individuals to return to the relationship with improved conflict management skills.
3. You're Longing For More Personal Space
A 2017 study published in the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology found that as we become older, our need for personal space tends to increase. This indicates that personal space needs are not static and can evolve with age.
Similarly, how each partner responds to challenging times—the loss of a loved one, work pressures or an empty-nest—can vary, leading to changing relational dynamics. A marriage sabbatical can help address this by providing each partner with the time and space needed to re-evaluate and reaffirm their personal boundaries.
This period apart allows individuals to reconnect with their own needs and preferences, free from the daily interactions that may have complicated these boundaries. Upon reuniting, both partners can bring a renewed respect for personal space back into the relationship, potentially alleviating tensions caused by mismatched needs for closeness or distance.
Conclusion
A marriage sabbatical offers a unique opportunity to bridge the gap between marriage problems and personal growth. Instead of fixating on issues within the marriage, it allows partners to temporarily distance themselves and focus on their individuality. This reset can transform problem-solving from a negative approach to a positive one, where both partners support each other in becoming the best versions of themselves within the marriage. It's a chance for renewed perspective and rekindling the relationship's vitality.
To know if your marriage might be in need of a sabbatical, you can test your marital satisfaction levels here: Marital Satisfaction Scale