2 Ways to Balance Your 'Soft Life' Era With Discipline
You can be gentle with yourself and still hold yourself accountable. Here's how gentle discipline can keep the balance.
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | June 4, 2025
If at some point in life you've felt like no matter how much you do, it's never quite enough, or like there's always another goal to chase, another skill to learn or another way to be more productive, you are no stranger to hustle culture.
With social media flooding your feed with messages that push you to monetize your hobbies and stay constantly "on," rest can feel like something you earn and slowing down can start to feel like falling behind.
Enter the "soft life" — an internet-born movement advocating a shift to a more intentional way of living and a rebellion against a culture that often demands constant productivity.
The concept of a soft life emphasizes intentional rest and a reevaluation of success beyond productivity. This has unfolded in reaction to the mental and emotional toll of modern work culture.
Reports like the 2024 Workforce State of Mind by Headspace show that work-related stress is now deeply affecting employees' personal lives and many are struggling to maintain boundaries or find meaningful support. In that context, the soft life represents an alternate way of living in favor of balance.
While embracing the soft life is both necessary and healthy, it's equally important to approach it with mindful awareness. Choosing rest over hustle does not necessarily mean giving up on growth. The idea is to redefine growth on your terms without pressure and with more intention.
As we rush to escape burnout, we might cross over to the other extreme — mistaking avoidance for rest. This can happen without you noticing, and recognizing this can help you find true balance in life.
Here are two ways to live the soft life the right way.
1. Practicing The Art Of Gentle Discipline
When you think of living a soft life, it's important to remember that it doesn't mean giving up on the things you want to achieve. It simply means you should be honest with yourself about what you really want and what success means to you in terms of those goals, not what society determines as the standard for being successful.
The idea is to align your goals with your authentic self and approach them with compassion and consistency. While it's good to honor how you feel, motivation is not always reliable. This is where the idea of discipline comes in.
Softness, too, requires consistency and discipline. When you consistently show up for yourself and your goals, it's a gentle way of reminding yourself that you care enough to be persistent for what is important to you. Discipline, in this case, does not always mean having harsh routines or rigid rules.
Showing up for what nourishes you, whether it's doing your skincare, moving your body or working toward a personal goal, even with, say, just 30% of your energy, tells your mind and body, "I matter enough to do this for me."
Imagine you want to start working out regularly for your health. It's possible that despite planning to exercise, you keep delaying it every day by snoozing your alarm or telling yourself you'll start tomorrow, because maybe you don't feel like it. You might be doing this with the idea that you're being kind to yourself by not pushing too hard.
On the surface, this might seem like caring for your well-being, but sometimes this delay can be a sign of a deeper, subconscious fear — of failing, not being good enough or simply not believing you can keep it up.
In a recent study published in the Journal of Psychoeducational Assessment, researchers examined the relationship between perfectionism, procrastination and fear of failure using both trait-based (personality-level) and cognitive (thought-based) perspectives.
Researchers found that individuals who tend to procrastinate often do so because they fear not meeting their high standards or worry too much about failing. The study also showed that this fear of failure and the habit of overgeneralizing failures (like thinking one mistake means you're a failure) strongly connect perfectionism to procrastination.
This means that sometimes, what looks like procrastination is often a way to protect oneself from feeling inadequate or overwhelmed.
Resistance of this sort is common and natural, but that isn't reason enough to overlook it. Instead of avoiding the workout altogether, showing up with whatever energy you have, even if it's just 10 or 15 minutes, can help you build trust with yourself.
Self-compassion, therefore, is equally important to practice in supporting gentle commitment.
Research backs this by emphasizing that self-compassion can help pursue goals in a more sustainable way.
Researchers found that people who procrastinate about exercising or other healthy activities tend to fall short of their plans. However, those with higher self-compassion were better able to stick to their goals despite procrastination.
This way, being consistent and overcoming your fears can be an act of self-love. This can happen while still being kind to yourself and appreciating every little bit of progress you make.
2. Breaking The Barrier Of Your Comfort Zone
While the soft life promotes ease and gentleness, another important reminder is that true growth often happens outside your comfort zone. This doesn't mean you constantly push yourself or ignore your limits — the comfort zone exists for a reason. Instead, it's about learning to gently challenge yourself with intention at your own pace.
For example, it could be as simple as waking up 10 minutes earlier to stretch, swapping scrolling time for a 10-minute walk or making small talk with a barista or colleague to work through your social anxiety. The idea is to indulge in small acts that can help build momentum and expand your comfort zone over time, allowing growth without overwhelming pressure.
A 2023 study published in Frontiers in Psychology explored how to help students develop an entrepreneurial mindset, which assessed their ability to think and act creatively and confidently when facing challenges and opportunities.
The researchers analyzed the experiences of 198 students across six courses in five different countries (Austria, Finland, Germany, the Netherlands and Russia). The aim was to explore what helps students step out of their comfort zones and what kind of personal insights result from that exercise.
They used a reflective learning format that included open-ended, playful and team-based exercises designed to challenge students' usual ways of thinking and acting. These exercises required students to take initiative, engage in trial and error and reflect deeply on their behavior.
These activities were all conducted without teacher supervision during fieldwork. Importantly, students had the autonomy to shape their learning experience based on their comfort levels.
There were various interesting findings from this study. Here's a snapshot:
- Growth requires discomfort. Students learned the most when they took emotional or cognitive risks, stepping outside their usual mindset or behavior. This often led to transformational learning: unexpected realizations that changed their beliefs or self-perception.
- Learning is unique. Each student's learning path was different depending on their willingness to engage, the risks they took and how they interpreted challenges. Even small steps outside their comfort zone proved meaningful.
- Autonomy and support are key. When students had the freedom to choose their own pace and received guidance on teamwork and reflection, they were more likely to push their boundaries sustainably.
The study illustrates the importance of slowly expanding your comfort zone in a way that feels manageable to you. You don't need to go to extremes. One step at a time toward your goal, no matter how small that step may be, is good enough.
The key is to respect your need for rest while also respecting your potential. This is how you can achieve a balanced soft life, where you don't burn yourself out while honoring your caliber.
Embracing the soft life the right way is about choosing alignment over exhaustion. This does not directly mean you choose ease over effort. However, at its core, it means deciding to grow in a way that works for you and giving yourself the autonomy to decide what success looks like for you.
In the pursuit of growth, are you taking care of yourself enough? Take this science-backed test to find out: Self-Care Inventory
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.