Relationship Sabotage Scale

Are you the problem in your relationship? Take this test to find out.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | August 12, 2024

Relationship sabotage refers to self-defeating behaviors that individuals engage in—often due to deep-seated fears or insecurities—which ultimately undermine their romantic relationships. These behaviors can include defensiveness, trust issues, avoidance of intimacy and negative communication patterns. Often, people who engage in relationship sabotage do so as a way to protect themselves from potential hurt or rejection, but these actions ironically lead to the very outcomes they fear.

The root causes of relationship sabotage often stem from insecure attachment styles, past traumas or low self-esteem. Individuals with these issues might fear abandonment or feel unworthy of love, leading them to push their partner away or create unnecessary conflict. This behavior can have significant consequences, including decreased relationship satisfaction, increased conflict, and a higher likelihood of breakup.

The Relationship Sabotage Scale, developed by Raquel Peel and Nerina Caltabiano, measures self-defeating behaviors in romantic relationships. It focuses on three key factors: defensiveness, trust difficulty and a lack of relationship skills. The scale helps identify patterns of behavior that can undermine relationships and provides insights into areas for improvement to build healthier connections.

You can take this test here. Follow all of the steps to receive your results.

Step 1: Based on your general experience in relationships, rate the following statements based on how much you agree with them on a scale of strongly disagree to strongly agree. If you are not currently in a relationship, think back to your most recent one.

1. I often get blamed unfairly for issues in my relationship.

2. I frequently feel misunderstood by my partner.

3. I regularly feel criticized by my partner.

4. My partner often makes me feel like a lesser person.

5. I get upset about how much time my partner spends with their friends.

6. I believe I need to know where my partner is to keep them safe.

7. I often feel jealous of my partner.

8. I regularly check my partner's social media profiles.

9. I rarely try to understand my partner's feelings when they are upset.

10. I am not open to finding solutions and working out issues in the relationship.

11. I am unwilling to admit when I am wrong in the relationship.

12. I am not open to my partner's suggestions for improving our relationship.

Step 2: Enter your age, gender, region, and first name so we can provide you with a detailed report that compares your test scores to people similar to you.

What is your age?

What is your gender?

What region of the world do you live in?

What is your first name?

Step 3: Check to make sure you've provided answers to all of the statements/questions above. Once you've done that, click the button below to send your responses to Awake Therapy's Lead Psychologist, Mark Travers, Ph.D. He will provide you with an overview of how you scored relative to others (all answers are anonymized and confidential to protect users' privacy). He can also answer any follow-up questions you may have.

References: Peel, R., & Caltabiano, N. (2021). The Relationship Sabotage Scale: An evaluation of factor analyses and constructive validity. BMC Psychology, 9(1), 1-15. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-021-00644-0