Research Identifies 4 Key Motivations Guiding Our Quest For Love

We all want love and want to be loved. But have you ever looked in the mirror and truly asked yourself why?

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | January 18, 2024

The longing to find love is a sentiment that transcends culture and time. However, is it just a yearning for love and romance that predisposes our desire to find a life partner? The answer is complicated. A new study published in the journal Frontiers In Psychology found four motivations that fuel our journey toward finding “the one.”

Each of these romantic motivations were connected to personal values and preferences for a certain type of partner, suggesting that individuals can learn more about themselves based on their reasons for finding love.

Here are four primary reasons why people look for “the one,” according to the study.

1. Love And Care

Researchers found that feelings of love and care were the most important reasons for young individuals seeking a partner. This romantic motivation involves wanting to give and receive love, care and emotional support in a relationship. 

Interestingly, individuals with this motivation tend to have a preference for “self-transcendence,” transcending one’s self-interest for the sake of others, over self-enhancement, which refers to the pursuit of power, achievement and one’s own interests. Research shows that self-transcendence is linked to higher relationship quality.

Individuals with a love and care motivation also tend to have personalities that are benevolent, less conservative and more open to change. Such individuals prioritize psychological growth and may also seek partners who value the same. 

Further, individuals with this motivation may attract partners that have different personalities or perspectives. For them, being with “the one” fosters self-improvement, learning and inspires a deeper understanding of themselves.

2. Sex And Adventure

Sex and adventure were ranked as the second highest romantic motivation in the study and tend to be shared by those seeking love and care in relationships. Individuals with this motivation also seek psychological growth along with an escape from loneliness and unmet sexual needs.

Individuals with sex and adventure motivations display a high level of openness, seeking growth and self-actualization. Researchers found that, for women more than men, sex may be used to self-transcend and express care towards a partner.

Individuals with this motivation also rated physical attractiveness as an important trait in a romantic partner and, for men in particular, an attractive partner may be a “status symbol,” signaling their wealth, influence or social rank and fulfilling their self-enhancement needs.

3. Social Status And Resources

This motivation ranked third highest in the study. Seeking social status and resources refers to the motivation to gain independence from one’s parents, avoid further social pressure to be in a relationship, experience social advancement, greater economic benefits and gain respect or control over resources or even the other person.

Here, individuals view finding a partner as a means to promote social status or material resources, which strongly contradicts love and care romantic motivations. 

This motivation shows a strong preference for self-enhancement over self-transcendence and a more closed than open personality type. The inclination to seek partners of higher social status may stem from a need to protect oneself, fulfill social expectations or avoid the anxiety surrounding one’s social status. Such individuals also seek partners who are more similar to themselves to abide by social norms. 

4. Family And Children

In the study, the least important motivation was finding a partner to raise a family with, possibly as thinking about children may feel far-sighted to those seeking romantic love in the present. 

Individuals with this romantic motivation displayed higher religiosity and a preference for conservation and preserving the status quo over love, care, sex or adventure motives.

However, men with this mindset specifically also showed an inclination towards self-transcendence rather than self-interest.

Those with family and childbearing motivations also tend to value social status and obtaining resources in the search for a romantic partner. The study found that women especially may prefer more resourceful partners to raise families with.

Conclusion

Understanding romantic motivations opens a doorway to introspection, holding up a mirror to our goals, needs and the kind of life we wish to live. Romantic motivations can also evolve with time, new experiences and changing circumstances, ultimately guiding us towards relationships that resonate with our innermost selves.

Wondering if the pressure to find romantic love is weighing on you? Try the Fear Of Being Single Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.