3 Reasons Why You Can't Let Go Of Your 'Situationship'

Is your 'situationship' going nowhere, but still keeping you trapped? Here's three reasons why they can be so hard to call off.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | April 01, 2025

Somewhere between a fling and a relationship lies the "situationship"—an undefined dynamic that feels like more than friendship but falls short of commitment. While some might navigate this gray area with ease, others find themselves emotionally entangled for far longer than they anticipated. Before they know it, they're in too deep, without any clarity on what happens next.

A 2024 study published in Sexuality & Culture defined situationships as romantic relationships with no clarity or label, low levels of commitment but similar levels of affection, sex and time spent together as traditional couples. This means people in situationships may feel like they're in a relationship—even if they're not.

But here's the catch—the same study suggests that individuals in situationships report significantly lower satisfaction and commitment than those in defined relationships. In short, the connection might look and feel real; but emotionally, it doesn't hold up.

So, why do people stay in situationships long after they stop serving them? The reasons run deeper than indecision. If you're unsure why you're stuck, here are three psychological signs you're unable to let go—and why it's so difficult to.

1. You're Secretly Waiting For Things To Change

When you're struggling to let go of a situationship, you might tell yourself, "It's not perfect, but maybe with time it'll get better." Yet deep down, you suspect it won't.

Sporadic moments of affection with a situationship can also create a powerful psychological loop known as "intermittent reinforcement" — where unpredictable rewards, like unexpected tenderness or attention, strengthen emotional attachment even in the absence of consistency.

This kind of attachment can be reinforced by behavioral patterns in the relationship. A 2020 review published in Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews introduced the "Learning Theory of Attachment," suggesting that emotional bonds often develop through patterns of reward and reinforcement.

When care or affection is given inconsistently—offered at certain times but withdrawn at others—the brain starts to associate the person with relief, even if it's occasional. This unpredictability strengthens emotional focus and makes the bond harder to break, particularly in relationships where commitment remains unclear.

This mismatch—between how things feel and what they truly are—can trap someone in a state of waiting, hoping that emotional closeness will eventually become something more.

This is especially common in situationships, where individuals may spend significant time together, share intimacy and even meet each other's inner circle—yet still lack the mutual clarity or commitment that supports long-term emotional stability.

Adding to this is "optimism bias"—the belief that the future will improve, regardless of current evidence. You may ignore red flags or rationalize bad behavior, convincing yourself that change is just around the corner. In truth, what you're clinging to is potential, not reality. And unfortunately, this "potential" is emotionally expensive, draining your time and energy.

2. You're Not Sure Why You've Stayed

If the idea of being alone feels more unbearable than staying in something uncertain, your situationship may not be about authentic connection—but about comfort. Many people choose emotional ambiguity over solitude, believing that something is better than nothing. However, this belief often comes with hidden emotional costs.

A 2013 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals with a strong fear of being single were more likely to stay in unsatisfying relationships and less likely to end them — even when their emotional needs weren't being met. This fear predicted greater emotional dependence and a lower willingness to seek alternatives, regardless of how unhappy the relationship had become.

The vagueness of a situationship can feel deceptively safe. It offers just enough connection to soothe the fear of abandonment without requiring the vulnerability that comes with asking for more.

So, the real question to ask yourself might not be "Will this ever become something more?" but to consider — "Am I staying because I'm truly cared for, or because I'm terrified of being left alone?"

3. You're Avoiding 'The Talk' To Keep The Illusion Alive

Bringing up the question of where a relationship stands can feel risky. Asking "What are we?" can bring clarity, but it could also bring closure you don't feel ready to receive.

Avoiding this conversation can feel like a way to preserve the connection, but often, it's a way to avoid discomfort. Research published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that romantic partners who coped with conflict by disengaging — through avoidance, withdrawal or denial—exhibited stronger physiological stress responses and slower recovery afterward.

The study also noted that a partner's avoidance could heighten the other person's stress, suggesting that evading difficult conversations doesn't reduce tension—it amplifies it. So instead, the conversation gets postponed indefinitely, not because it isn't needed, but because avoiding it feels safer.

Letting go of a situationship isn't just about walking away, it's about choosing clarity over hope without direction. Clarity doesn't always come from the other person. Often, it begins with asking yourself what you've been avoiding.

Consider the deeper motivations behind your silence, hope and hesitation. Here are a few questions to reflect on:

• Do I feel secure with this person or more uncertain about myself and our dynamic?
• What part of me hopes they'll change, and what has actually changed so far?
• If I knew nothing would improve from this point forward, would I still choose to stay?
• What would I want for someone I love if they were in this situation?

Letting go doesn't mean the feelings weren't real. It means they were, and that you've felt enough to know when something no longer honors them. Clarity isn't something you should chase, but it's something you can choose.

The question isn't whether your situationship could become something more. It's whether you are receiving all that you truly need from this relationship now. And if the answer is no — perhaps it's time to let go of that "almost" love, so you can make space for something deeper.

Curious to know where you truly stand in your relationship? Take this research-backed test to gain clarity: Relationship Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.