3 'Check-In Questions' You Need To Ask Your Partner

Just like a medical screening can prevent diseases early on, these three relationship 'check-in questions' can prevent problems from festering.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | May 27, 2024

Running on fumes in life often triggers autopilot mode and we inadvertently push our relationships aside to cope with the chaos. We convince ourselves that other matters demand more immediate attention, assuming we can simply resume our relationships when convenient. However, this assumption doesn't always hold true.

Romantic relationships, akin to all other connections we cultivate, demand our time, effort and undivided attention. If you do not have the time to sit and talk about your relationship with your partner, consider scheduling monthly relationship check-ins. Check-ins involve sitting down with your partner, creating a safe space and asking each other crucial questions that can improve your relationship.

Here are three relationship revitalizing questions you should ask each other, according to research:

1. Did You Feel Supported And Appreciated In The Past Month?

Keeping up a constant stream of support for your partner's personal and professional goals as well as challenges can serve to cultivate a loving environment.

A 2023 study published in Current Opinion in Psychology shows that feeling understood and appreciated by a romantic partner can promote positive cycles within the relationship and boost connection. Appreciation further helps in buffering against negative experiences.

Additionally, a 2023 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science finds that individuals tend to underestimate their partners' gratitude, which ultimately leads to lower relationship satisfaction. Periodically taking time to express your gratitude can quell your partner's uncertainties and help rebuild abandoned bridges.

2. Have There Been Any Challenges Or Conflicts That We Haven't Fully Resolved?

Arguments or topics of discontentment are often brushed under the rug to avoid dealing with them. These issues can bubble beneath the surface, festering and spreading until they turn into inescapable emergencies.

Periodically checking-in with your partner about conflicts or upsetting incidents that might be weighing heavy on your partner's mind can help nip problems in the bud before they bloom.

A 2022 study published in Current Issues in Personality Psychology finds that dialogue acts as a constructive way of resolving conflicts, which further improves relationship quality. Having an open dialogue increases faith in your partner's intentions and the hope that they can get better with time.

Additionally, rather than escalating the situation, refraining from reacting impulsively leads to greater compatibility with one's partner. Remaining in control of the situation and giving yourself time to collect your thoughts can lead to healthy discussions about unresolved conflicts. You can tune up your relationship by harnessing the power of check-ins to work through pent-up emotions.

3. Is There Anything You'd Like To See More Or Less Of In Our Relationship?

Engaging in candid discussions about both the successful aspects and areas for improvement in the relationship can effectively foster the maintenance of love. You and your partner can utilize these conversations as stepping stones toward mutual growth.

A 2022 study published in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that reminiscence of positive memories results in higher relationship quality and optimism about the relationship. A monthly check-in to recall and share positive romantic experiences can work like magic and strengthen your relationship.

Furthermore, putting in the effort to improve your relationship tends to enhance your perception of being a competent and able partner. A study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that individuals who believe themselves to be competent partners engage in relationship maintenance behaviors to a greater degree. Additionally, having open discussions with your partner serves as a relationship promoting behavior and results in greater relationship satisfaction.

An open expression of vulnerability and taking ownership of your actions through monthly reviews as a couple can help you to strengthen your bond profoundly.

Relationship check-ins are a sure-fire way to boost your connection with your partner. It can be the catalyst for difficult and raw conversations. However, it's crucial to approach these conversations with openness, empathy and a genuine desire to strengthen your bond. Ultimately, investing in these moments of vulnerability can lead to deeper understanding and a more fulfilling relationship journey together.

Is you relationship due for a delicate check-in conversation? Take the Relationship Satisfaction Scale to know.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.