3 Boundaries That Every Couple Should Put In Place

For love to flourish, it needs to grow securely between the walls of safe boundaries.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | April 09, 2024

Love, romance and relationships are parts of life that, unfortunately, do not come with instruction manuals. While it may seem obvious to simply approach love with optimism and enthusiasm, the reality is that maintaining a fulfilling and stable relationship requires more than just desire and passion. Relationships are dynamic, and they are influenced by many factors. Without clear guidance or a roadmap, couples have no choice but to navigate the complexities of their relationships on their own.

In this journey, the importance of establishing boundaries can't be overstated.

Boundaries are essential safeguards for partners, ensuring their love is unconditionally protected in the face of obstacles. Acknowledging the need for boundaries empowers couples to take an active and committed approach to nourishing their relationship. Here are three boundaries that every couple should consider.

1. Boundaries For Screen Time

According to research, excessive screen time has emerged as a significant factor contributing to disconnection between partners.

The study's findings illustrate how the presence of smartphones can create barriers to meaningful communication and emotional connection between partners, especially when they are physically together. As described by one participant, "It hinders communication because, sometimes, I'll be on Facebook and he'll be on a sporting app while we are both in bed; then we realize that we are literally sitting in bed together, but living in different worlds."

The scenario of both partners being engrossed in their respective digital worlds while sharing the same physical space can result in a profound sense of disconnection. The intimacy of such shared moments can be overshadowed by the distraction of smartphones, preventing any genuine engagement and interaction. The consequences of this disconnection can be detrimental to the quality of their relationship. Partners may feel neglected, unimportant or unappreciated when their significant other prioritizes screen time over engagement with them.

Even the simple act of designating specific "tech-free zones" can promote uninterrupted intimacy and conversation. Through proactive measures and a joint commitment to attentiveness, couples can protect their relationship from technoference.

2. Boundaries For Shared Responsibilities

An unequal distribution of domestic labor within relationships can significantly contribute to feelings of disconnection between partners. Research shows that, despite efforts to promote gender equality in housework as a means of enhancing well-being, many couples find themselves trapped in what is termed "housework resignation." This phenomenon is characterized by a cycle wherein traditional gender practices in housework lead to heightened stress levels and diminished well-being for both women and men.

The ramifications of an unequal division of domestic labor apply beyond individual well-being to the broader health of the relationship. When one partner shoulders a disproportionate amount of household responsibilities, feelings of resentment, frustration and disconnect can arise. This imbalance undermines the sense of teamwork and support that is essential for a healthy relationship. Moreover, it can lead to a breakdown in communication and emotional intimacy as partners become increasingly disconnected from each other's experiences and needs.

To address the issue of unequal domestic labor and its detrimental effects on the relationship, partners must set boundaries that promote fairness and respect. This requires extensive communication about household responsibilities and acknowledging the impact of gendered labor. Couples can work together to redistribute tasks more equitably, taking into account each partner's strengths and preferences. Additionally, establishing clear boundaries around communication and assistance can help ensure that both partners feel valued and supported in managing daily life.

3. Boundaries For Self-Care

Research shows that a lack of self-care and personal time, including opportunities for solitude, pursuing hobbies and dedicating time to personal endeavors, can lead to a significant disconnect between partners within a relationship.

When individuals neglect their own needs for self-care and personal fulfillment, they may become emotionally depleted. This can result in a diminished capacity to engage authentically with their partner, as they may feel distant or preoccupied with their own concerns. Furthermore, neglecting self-care can contribute to feelings of resentment and imbalance within the relationship. Partners may feel unsupported if one person consistently prioritizes the needs of the relationship over their own well-being.

To mitigate this, partners must establish boundaries that prioritize individual well-being alongside the needs of the partnership. It is vital for couples to communicate openly about their own needs and preferences, and work together to create a balance that allows for both shared time and space for personal growth and fulfillment.

Setting boundaries around self-care may involve scheduling dedicated time for alone time or pursuing hobbies, and respecting each other's autonomy in how they choose to spend that time. Additionally, partners can support each other in prioritizing self-care by offering encouragement, understanding and assistance when needed.

Unlike in generations past, where societal norms dictated expectations within a partnership, today's couples have agency to shape their relationships according to their own values and aspirations. However, this freedom comes with a responsibility: the conscious choice to invest time, effort and introspection into making it work.

Are you and your partner in need of some boundaries? Take the Relationship Satisfaction Scale to find out where you should start: Relationship Satisfaction Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here, and on PsychologyToday.com, here.