2 Reasons Why Modern Dating Is Missing What Matters Most

Online dating—which is now turning toward AI solutions—is becoming more and more impersonal. Here's why this is frustrating for singles.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | February 21, 2025

Online dating seems to be getting more complicated by the day. You no longer just have to curate a decent-looking profile, find matches and hope something sticks. Now, there's an added layer of technology, specifically AI, that's being woven into the dating experience — whether through matchmaking algorithms, auto-generated messages or profile enhancements.

According to a recent survey by Jigsaw — the biggest real-life dating experience provider in the U.S. — a majority of respondents are strongly resistant to AI's role in dating.

Beyond the conversation around AI, however, the survey's results reflect something much larger: a growing resistance to online dating in general. A majority of users would much rather meet potential partners in real life rather than through a dating app. The introduction of AI seems to be amplifying this resistance; the already digital nature of modern dating is starting to feel even less personal.

Jigsaw's survey results reinforce this concern. The majority of respondents strongly disagreed with the statement, "AI is the future of dating." When asked to describe how they'd feel if they found out a match was responding to their messages by means of AI, words like "worried," "uncomfortable" and "scared" were among the most common choices.

This suggests that, despite technological advancements, people are concerned about AI's role in dating and craving something deeper — something real.

Here are two key reasons why AI may not belong in the dating world, according to research.

1. Inauthenticity Is A Deal Breaker

It's already difficult to gauge chemistry and compatibility through a screen, and texting often lacks the nuances of real-life interaction — there's no body language, no tone of voice, no energy to pick up on.

Even when someone's messages seem thoughtful or engaging, there's always the looming question: Will they be the same in person? And worse — what if you never actually make it to that point?

Now, with AI-generated responses becoming a factor, the authenticity of online dating is even more in question. If a match's messages are being crafted by an algorithm rather than their own thoughts and feelings, how can you be sure you're building a connection with a real person?

The idea of AI composing witty, heartfelt or flirty messages on someone's behalf might make dating appear more efficient, but it also strips away the sincerity that meaningful relationships require.

People overwhelmingly prefer to meet in real life first — 89.3% of Jigsaw's survey respondents said so. That's a powerful indicator that authenticity and organic chemistry matter most. And when asked how they'd feel upon discovering that a match had used AI-generated responses, the most common reaction was "extremely concerned."

Overall, there seems to be a broad, fundamental dissatisfaction with artificial interactions in a space where vulnerability and trust should be the baseline — a resistance that only threatens to grow as technology and AI advances. Erika Ettin, dating coach and founder of A Little Nudge, emphasizes this sentiment.

"Deep down, people still want to form real, human connections. It's as simple as that," she explains. "If AI is writing for one person and chooses someone else's photos, it takes away anything personal about the connection. What happens when these two people meet? Should they send their chatbots instead?"

Research supports these concerns. A study by the Pew Research Center found that 71% of online daters believe it is very common for people on these platforms to lie about themselves to appear more desirable.

Overall, there's a pervasive issue of dishonesty in online dating — and the introduction of AI-generated content could exacerbate these trust issues. Now, it becomes even harder for individuals to discern genuine intentions.

This is another sentiment that's echoed by research. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that misrepresentation is common in online dating services, with participants admitting to inaccuracies in various aspects of their profiles. The addition of AI-generated content — in photos or even in messaging — could further complicate the establishment of trust between matches.

Ettin suggests that while AI could offer assistance in certain areas, it currently falls short. She explains, "If AI were able to give real, actionable advice on profile writing, I would be all for it. But I've seen the advice it gives on other apps, and it's extremely generic and not useful."

2. People Want More Human Interaction, Not Less

Despite the prevalence of dating apps, real human interaction remains the gold standard for forming meaningful romantic relationships. While technology has undeniably made meeting new people more convenient, it hasn't necessarily made it easier to find connections that will actually last.

If anything, people seem to be longing for the simplicity of meeting someone organically — at a coffee shop, through mutual friends or at an event where there's no pressure to land the perfect opening message.

The survey results make this clear. While dating apps are widely used, an overwhelming majority of respondents still prefer to meet a future partner in person first. Even among those who do use dating apps, 97% said they'd be uncomfortable with AI playing a role in their romantic journey. This suggests that, rather than embracing more technological involvement, people are pushing back against the over-digitization of dating.

Ettin understands users' frustration regarding the integration of AI into the online dating world: "Choosing to use AI (like when you ask ChatGPT a question) and AI being thrust upon you are two different things. No one wants AI thrust upon them, in dating or in life."

This pushback is likely also the result of what researchers refer to as "dating app fatigue." According to a 2025 study from SN Social Sciences, the term reflects the immense boredom, anxiety and burnout that the cyclical nature of online dating leads to.

Ettin sees this often, and thus recommends a balanced approach. "Dating app fatigue is real, which is why it's not the only tool I recommend." As such, she concludes, "I recommend that people be on two apps, in addition to attending three in-person events a month to give themselves the best odds of connecting with someone."

Overall, the message is clear. Modern dating, with all its advancements, often fails to deliver what people actually want: real human-to-human connection. This resistance to AI in dating can't be disregarded as skepticism toward new technology.

In reality, it epitomizes a deep yearning for real, organic relationships. If dating platforms truly want to help people find love, they may need to rethink how they're prioritizing convenience over connection.

Luckily, this is slowly but surely being recognized. Dating companies like Jigsaw see these realities firsthand, and, in turn, take steps to address them by facilitating in-person dating events. By prioritizing intentional and authentic connection, singles can get what they really want: real-life, actionable ways to find potential partners.

Love shouldn't have to require efficiency or optimization; it always has and will be about connection. Unspoken moments, spontaneous laughter, the subtle realization of connection — no app or chatbot could ever facilitate this single-handedly. And while technology can and should facilitate introductions, it can't replicate the depth of emotion that comes from truly seeing and being seen by another person.

Have you found a relationship you feel fulfilled in? Take the science-backed Relationship Satisfaction Scale to find out.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.