How To Test The 'Orange Peel Theory' In Your Relationship
A partner holding your hand in the little moments contributes to the relationship in a big way.
By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | Janaury 2, 2024
In relationship psychology, it's often the subtleties that speak volumes. The "orange peel theory," a concept that has recently taken TikTok by storm, offers a compelling illustration of this idea. Rooted in the principle that relationships are more about consistent, everyday interactions than grand gestures, this "theory" aligns with the psychological concept of gestalt—the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
What Is The Orange Peel Theory And What Does It Look Like In Practice?
Suppose you dislike peeling oranges due to the stickiness involved. When you ask your partner to peel it for you, their response is telling. It's not your partner's action of peeling the orange that matters, but the sentiment behind it. This is where the trend gets its name.
A willing, caring response indicates a readiness to cherish and accommodate small needs, showing a deep level of empathy and understanding. On the other hand, a negative reaction can reveal a lack of care. This test is a simple yet profound way to gauge mutual respect and care in a relationship.
It's a substantial green flag when a partner not only responds positively to direct requests, like peeling an orange, but also proactively observes and acts on the little things that make your life easier.
For instance, imagine you're someone who often forgets to hydrate during your busy workday. Your partner notices this habit and starts leaving a glass of water at your workspace each morning or sends gentle reminders throughout the day to take a water break. They do this without being asked, simply because they've noticed a small aspect of your routine that could be improved for your well-being. Such thoughtful actions demonstrate a deep level of care and attentiveness, indicative of a partner who is truly invested in your happiness and health.
Is There Scientific Evidence To Back Up The Orange Peel Theory?
While not a formal scientific theory, the orange peel theory aligns with what has been observed by The Gottman Institute, particularly relating to the concept of "bids for connection."
A bid can be as simple as a request for a small favor, like peeling an orange, or a verbal or nonverbal gesture seeking emotional connection. Gottman Institute researchers found that the way these bids are responded to can significantly affect the relationship's success and longevity. Partners who regularly respond positively to each other's bids tend to have stronger, more resilient relationships.
In fact, Dr. John Gottman's research found that when a bid occurs, successful couples tend to turn toward each other 86% of the time versus only 33% of the time in couples who are less resilient. This shows that being heard and seen is a critical aspect of relationship success.
A 2014 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships also offers compelling insights that resonate with the orange peel theory's essence. This research explored compassionate love in 175 newlywed couples, focusing on daily acts of kindness and empathy. These couples recorded their compassionate acts over two weeks, which revealed a significant impact on marital satisfaction. Moreover, the study discovered that acts acknowledged as compassionate by both partners had a greater positive influence in fostering a more deep and enduring connection.
The Orange Peel Theory Is Very Much A Two-Way Street
To get the most out of the orange peel theory, you must also reflect on your own behavior. Actively participating in small acts of kindness and understanding towards your partner is essential. The payoff, as it turns out, goes beyond your relationship.
A 2006 study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies underscores the significance of kindness in enhancing happiness. The study revealed that simply counting one's own acts of kindness for a week increased subjective happiness. This research suggests that actively engaging in kind behaviors, like those encouraged by the orange peel theory, can lead to a win-win situation where it not only benefits the relationship, but also boosts personal happiness.
Conclusion
The orange peel theory may not be a formally established scientific theory, but it certainly invites us to ponder a deep question: Does the strength of our relationships lie in grand gestures or in the quiet, everyday acts of kindness and understanding? As research shows, these small, simple acts can add up over time to fortify our bonds while also enriching our personal sense of happiness. So, the next time you encounter a simple request or a small moment to show care, remember it is these instances that will make your relationship go the distance.
If you're unsure whether any of the problems you're facing in your relationship are a cause for serious concern, you can take this scientifically-validated test here: Relationship Satisfaction Scale
A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.