A Therapist Offers 2 Reasons To Tone Down Your Obsession With Celebrities

How do the relationships we develop with people we've never met influence our real-world relationships?

By Jourdan Travers, LCSW | April 28, 2023

Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships we develop with celebrities or fictional characters – and they are becoming increasingly common in today's media-driven culture. In our post-TMZ, celebrity-obsessed culture, everyone seems to develop an opinion on the latest celebrity stories.

The constant barrage of news and gossip about famous on- and off-screen people and couples can leave us feeling invested in their lives and relationships, even though we have no actual connection to them.

For example, even if you are someone who doesn't actively follow pop-culture drama, Instagram or TikTok algorithms may have pushed the recent breakup of Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn to your feed. Depending on how the information was presented to you, you may even have made a snap judgment on what really happened between them.

This raises an important question: how are the parasocial relationships we have with celebrities and influencers affecting our own romantic relationships and attitudes towards love? Are we becoming lazy lovers whose relationships are half-hearted attempts at manifesting the fantasies we develop based on fictitious plotlines or tabloid stories?

Here are two scientific findings that show how our obsession with pop culture icons may be hindering our ability to develop and maintain fulfilling real-life romantic relationships.

#1. Our expectations from real-life relationships may be skewed by parasocial relationships

Although we know that our social-media selves are not necessarily an accurate representation of who we are in real life, we are often blind when it comes to realizing this about others. This could lead to us making unfair comparisons between our lives and the lives of those we see online.

A 2018 study found that social comparison may ultimately lower our overall happiness or life satisfaction. The study found that the use of certain social media platforms such as blogs and Instagram was positively associated with social comparison – social media may lead us to believe that other people's lives are better than our own.

Consider a celebrity's online presence – many have PR teams in place to ensure only the best version of themselves is available to their fans. If we try to compare our real lives to how their lives are represented online, we are constantly playing a losing game.

Understand that any romantic relationship worth having will take work and real effort. Regardless of what the comments on a loved-up picture or a cute news story about a celebrity couple may have you believe, all couples have their ups and downs and 'destiny' is never the reason a relationship is successful. The joy of working with a partner to figure out how to build a stable, loving relationship together is a major part of how fulfilled you are in your relationship.

#2. Investing too much time in a parasocial relationship can hurt your relationship

Even in the most stable relationships, innocent celebrity crushes are natural. But investing a significant portion of one's time toward keeping abreast on everything a celebrity does is a cause for concern, especially if there are strong romantic feelings involved.

A 2019 study found that people who have stronger parasocial relationships with celebrities may be less satisfied with their romantic relationships. This is because individuals who feel a strong connection to a celebrity may be less motivated to invest time and effort into their real-life relationships, leading to neglect and dissatisfaction in their romantic relationships.

Additionally, the study found that most individuals considered a parasocial relationship where romantic feelings are involved as an act of betrayal, indicating that even parasocial 'cheating' may have negative consequences on real-life relationships.

It's important to strike a balance between one's interest in celebrities and investing in one's real-life relationships. It may be tempting to tune out of a particularly trying time in your relationship to seek comfort in your parasocial romantic feelings for a celebrity or social-media personality, but understand that there are consequences to your fantasies. This type of temporary escape from the realities of one's relationship is not going to fix underlying relationship issues and is likely to only make matters worse.

A respectful, well-adjusted relationship is built on communication, trust, and being present in the moment.

Conclusion

Parasocial relationships are not inherently bad. In fact, having strong role models is an important part of discovering who you are and can help you navigate the sometimes-confusing world of romance. However, when your parasocial relationships turn into an obsession, things get murky. It's important to be aware of the potential impact of our obsession with parasocial relationships and strike a healthy balance between our interest in celebrities and investing in our own romantic relationships.