3 Ways To Stop Financial Anxiety From Ruining Your Marriage

Money can cause more problems in a marriage than they can solve. Here's how to limit the disastrous effects of financial worry from derailing your marriage.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | February 27, 2024

Financial stress is a major contributor to why Americans are getting divorced, according to a recent Forbes Advisor survey. But what is it, and what makes it such a driver of divorce?

Financial stress is the pressure and anxiety that arises from financial difficulties or concerns. This can stem from various issues, such as insufficient income to meet daily expenses, overwhelming debt, job loss or uncertainty about future financial security. Experiencing money troubles is stressful in itself, but when these occur within a relationship or a marriage, the negative effects can compound.

A new paper published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that financial stress can significantly hinder the healthy development and functioning of a close relationship. The results of the study suggest that when we are under financial stress, we tend not to be the best judges of our partner's actions.

For example, we may misread their attempts to be supportive by helping us create a weekly budget as "overbearing" or "condescending." Or, we may start distrusting them or read too much into how they behave around us.

Are Early Signs Of Financial Stress Eating Away At Your Marriage?

According to a 2022 study published in the Journal of Family and Economic Issues, while sound financial management behaviors are associated with happy relationships, worrying about money can often lead to poor financial choices and harm your relationship.

However, financial stress can sometimes be unavoidable in a marriage, particularly in situations where one partner loses their job or takes on significant debt. These circumstances can rapidly alter the financial landscape of a relationship, introducing or exacerbating stress. Recognizing early signs of financial stress is crucial for taking proactive steps to mitigate its impact.

For instance, consider the following questions:

1. Is there less communication about finances than you would like? Financial infidelity is when one partner engages in financial behavior they expect their partner to disapprove of. If you sense that your partner is lying about or hiding details of their finances, there is a chance that they are experiencing the effects of financial stress and expect you would be less supportive than you actually would.
2. Are there signs of mental or physical health declining? Financial constraints significantly affect a person's health and, in turn, their relationship with their partner. They can be "silently" experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety, a lowered immune response or emotional exhaustion.
3. Are positive interactions becoming fewer and farther in between? Do more of your arguments seem to end in full-blown fights? Examine if you started noticing things taking a turn for the worse after a financial hit.

How To Prevent Financial Stress From Causing Irreparable Damage To Your Relationship

Although 66% of Americans consider money a significant source of stress, a recent survey revealed that 46% of people don't talk about money with their partners.

Any healthy relationship demands trust. With trust comes the safety and security to let go and surrender. When financial constraints are high and trust between the partners is low, it can lead to your partner shutting down.

Implementing these strategies can help mitigate the marriage-ending consequences of financial stress and maintain a strong, healthy relationship even in the face of financial adversity.

1. Effective financial communication. Having frequent check-ins with your partner about your financial health is a great idea. Positive communication, especially effective financial communication with your partner, can help you reclaim a happy relationship and has been shown to reduce the impact of financial stress on sexual satisfaction.
2. Integration of your finances. A 2023 study published in the Journal of Consumer Research suggests that merging accounts at the beginning of your marriage can reduce conflict and improve financial well-being. It provides transparency and an opportunity to be open about financial goals. Another paper shows some evidence that couples who pool their money are happier and less likely to break up. Sharing financial responsibilities, like a mortgage, can also indicate a stronger commitment and increase the likelihood of marriage among cohabiting couples. On the contrary, a lack of financial integration has been linked to increased financial conflicts. Choosing to integrate finances should be a mutual decision that respects both partners' comfort levels and financial independence.
3. Take professional help. Addressing finance-related worries alone can be overwhelming. Seeking professional advice, such as consulting with a financial advisor or a couple's therapist specializing in financial issues, can provide valuable insights and strategies to manage financial stress effectively. Professionals can offer objective advice and facilitate discussions that might be difficult for couples to undertake on their own. They can also help in creating a realistic financial plan that aligns with both partners' goals and values.

Do you think your marriage is suffering from financial infidelity? Find out by taking this test: Financial Infidelity Scale.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.