Modern couples today are navigating territory that looks very different from the partnerships of previous generations. Roles are less defined, expectations are more fluid and, overall, we’re less likely to compromise or make unnecessary sacrifices for the sake of our relationships.
On the surface, these shifts might look like progress: greater equality, more freedom, more options for how to shape a life together. Yet, psychologists studying intimate partnerships are finding that these same changes also introduce new vulnerabilities.

And the pressures aren’t usually dramatic. More often, they show up in the ordinary spaces of daily life we wouldn’t expect to become epicenters of conflict: time spent together, daily to-do lists and nighttime routines. These everyday patterns can either strengthen a sense of closeness or slowly generate frustration and distance.

Psychological research has identified several habits that consistently create friction in contemporary relationships. Each seems minor in isolation, but, over time, they erode the foundations of intimacy and satisfaction. Here are three that you should keep your eyes peeled for in your relationship.

1. The To-Do List Isn’t Divided Equally

Progress and development still struggles to make reasonable change in one area of modern relationships: domestic work. Despite increased discourse around the subject, studies consistently echo the same truth we’ve been hearing for generations — the household is not the level playing field we might sometimes assume it to be. And for all intents and purposes, women still perform a larger share of chores in heterosexual partnerships.

This imbalance has consequences that go beyond just logistics. Researchers describe a phenomenon called “housework resignation,” in which one partner, usually the woman, stops trying to correct the imbalance after repeated failed attempts. This resignation is associated with increased stress, lower well-being and greater dissatisfaction in the relationship.

The reason is clear: household labor isn’t simply a matter of chores. In many ways, it’s one of the greatest litmus tests for fairness, respect and mutual investment in a relationship. When one partner consistently carries more of the burden, the imbalance might communicate to them that their time and energy are less valuable. Over time, this perception undermines trust and diminishes the sense of being teammates in daily life.

As this norm has crossed over generations, addressing the issue requires more than simple surface-level adjustments. Effective change can only begin with open, ongoing conversations about expectations, preferences and shifting needs, with both partners’ voices being heard.

When couples redistribute tasks based on fairness and capacity, resentment slowly washes away and makes room for satisfaction. Most importantly, these conversations need to be revisited regularly, since domestic demands evolve with career changes, children and health needs.

2. Screens Have Become The ‘Third’ In Your Relationship

Whether we’d like to admit it or not, technology has become a permanent fixture of our personal lives, on the same level as doing our chores or meeting our friends. Smartphones and tablets are rarely out of reach, and their presence is reshaping how couples interact in shared spaces.

This phenomenon has become so commonplace that psychologists have since coined the term “technoference” to describe the interruptions and distractions caused by devices. Of course, occasionally scrolling or checking for notifications aren’t behaviors that are inherently damaging. Rather, it’s the cumulative effect of divided attention.

In a 2020 study, a participant poignantly described lying in bed with their partner while each of them scrolled separately on their phones. Eventually, they realized that, although they were physically together, they were emotionally elsewhere.

Over time, moments like these will accumulate into a sense of disconnection.

Attention is a finite resource, and we have infinite places to invest it. And when partners perceive that a device consistently receives more attention than they do, the result is often feelings of neglect, frustration or rejection. These reactions are not to be taken lightly. Mindless phone usage can compromise the relationship as a whole and, more importantly, make your partner feel unseen.

Couples who establish clear rules around technology use often see immediate improvements. Creating phone-free zones set during crucial moments of the day — like meals, before bed or other designated times of connection — will help you to preserve opportunities for meaningful conversation and non-verbal intimacy. These small boundaries counteract a cultural norm of constant connectivity and protect the relational space.

3. Your Own Self-Care Has Ceased To Exist

A final but equally significant contributor to relationship friction is the neglect of self-care. In a culture that often prizes productivity and self-sacrifice, many people place their own needs for rest, hobbies and personal growth at the bottom of their list of priorities.

While this may seem like a gesture of commitment to the relationship, the research suggests otherwise: failing to maintain individual well-being can, and will, undermine the partnership.

Individuals who neglect self-care are more likely to feel emotionally depleted, irritable or disengaged. They may be physically present, but they’re also less capable of offering attention, empathy or patience. This can lead to misunderstandings, resentment and a gradual sense of emotional distance between partners.

The solution is not indulgence, but balance. Couples who respect each other’s need for time alone, personal hobbies or independent friendships consistently report higher relationship satisfaction. In this sense, framing self-care as an investment in the relationship, rather than a withdrawal from it, will benefit both partners.

Practical approaches to this could include explicitly scheduling personal time, supporting each other’s independent pursuits and normalizing discussions about individual needs. These boundaries help ensure that partners remain emotionally available and capable of sustaining the demands of intimacy.

Why Boundaries Counteract Friction

Relationships today are shaped by forces that previous generations did not face in the same way. The constant presence of technology, the unfinished work of balancing household labor and the cultural neglect of self-care all create friction that can undermine closeness over time.

What these habits have in common is that they rarely appear catastrophic in the moment. A night spent scrolling, an uneven week of chores or a skipped hobby may seem inconsequential. But if they’re repeated enough then, over time, small patterns like these can accumulate into friction.

The good news is that they are changeable. Couples who recognize these dynamics and set deliberate boundaries — around devices, responsibilities and personal well-being — create environments where intimacy, fairness and resilience can thrive.

From this perspective, modern relationships don’t fail suddenly when new pressures arise. Instead, they fail when partners ignore the ordinary habits that generate friction. By addressing these directly, couples give themselves the best chance of sustaining closeness in a rapidly changing world.

Do you feel like your relationship is struggling? Take the Relationship Satisfaction Scale to know if your interpersonal friction has crossed your tolerance threshold.

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.