Many of us are conditioned to think that our ultimate goal in life is to be with someone, so much so, that the mere thought of being alone frightens us.

However, it isn’t us being single but our fear of being single that puts us at risk of worse personal and relational well-being. When we experience this fear, we may stop nurturing our platonic and family ties and start to chase romantic relationships, with the expectation that it can make us “whole.”

This fear often stems from “relationship pedestal beliefs,” which refers to the belief that people need to be in a relationship to be truly happy, according to a 2024 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

Researchers conducted four studies, with over 600 single individuals and 256 coupled individuals as participants, to test how the belief that relationships are essential for happiness connects to fear of being single and daily life satisfaction.

Researchers found that single individuals’ acceptance of relationship pedestal beliefs was associated with a greater fear of being single. As a result of this fear, they also risked lowering life satisfaction.

Where Does This Fear Stem From?

Researchers of the 2024 study highlight how singlehood is increasing across the lifespan. This is because many are deliberately choosing to stay single throughout their life, while others are delaying the age of their first marriage. Still others become single after divorce.

Yet, romantic movies and series may convince us that being a couple is the way to find happiness. Over time, we start believing that being single means something must be wrong with us.

In Season 2, Episode 4 of Sex Education, a student named Florence says to Jean, a sex and relationship therapist, “I think I might be broken,” because she doesn’t feel sexual attraction.

To this, Jean says, “Sex doesn’t make us whole. And so how could you ever be broken?”

The same applies to relationships; being part of a couple does not make us “whole,” and the lack of it does not indicate that we are broken. But if we struggle with low-self esteem, we may start to internalize the belief that being single is proof that we’re “not good enough.”

There is also a link between holding relationship pedestal beliefs and societal pressure. “When are you getting married?” or “Don’t wait too long, the clock is ticking!” are common things you may have heard from family, friends or even acquaintances, which may have lead you to rush into relationships that weren’t necessarily the best for you.

To avoid giving into such internal and external pressure, here are three ways to overcome your fear of being single.

1. Explore Your Hobbies And Passions Fully

A 2022 study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science highlights that how people experience singlehood is diverse. Some singles thrive, some struggle, and others experience mixed feelings.

“Some single people might crave relationships, some might find solo living challenging, some might be living lives full of connection and adventure, and some might be happier being single than they realize,” the researchers explain.

But when we’re consumed by the idea of finding or having a partner, it becomes difficult for us to make space for our own needs, and the things we love to do.

For instance, you may give up on your pottery classes to make room for going on a few dates. Or, you may be so busy trying to make room for the new person you’re dating, you cancel your plans of travelling solo. You might even avoid pursuing higher education in a university that is too far, because you think you’re going to end up with someone you’ve been dating for a while.

However, these actions often lead to regret, resentment and a loss of self-identity.

Instead of treating singlehood as something to “fix,” use the time to prioritize your well-being, rediscover your passions and make room for new hobbies. Not having a partner shouldn’t hold you back from exploring new avenues, gathering new skills and making meaningful memories.

Often, the time spent waiting for a partnership to materialize is wasted, as it’s precious time you could have spent on your own or with loved ones, experiencing deeper connection and self-expansion.

“To counteract stigma around singlehood and encourage attention to positive narratives about single life, it is important to acknowledge that people can be happy and fulfill important psychological needs when single,” the researchers of the 2022 study affirm.

2. Nurture Your Existing Connections

Ironically, fearing loneliness can make us feel lonelier. But when we put in most of our energy and waking hours into situationships, hoping against hope that they might work, we leave our friends and family out. We neglect our existing connections in search for what we think might be more meaningful, even if we already have meaningful ties.

When you start to treat friends as placeholders, you risk losing them. Your support system may weaken, isolating you even further.

So, reinvest in your platonic relationships by planning events with friends and creating deeper bonds with people who already love you. You don’t feel as lonely when you realize how wholesome your existing relationships might already be.

3. Move Forward With An ‘Abundance Mindset’

Practice shifting into an “abundance mindset,” where you focus on what you already have, instead of what you lack. This can help you stop “chasing” what you don’t have, and help you create room for attracting more love, validation and support into your life.

If you’re aiming to inculcate this mindset, here are two steps you can take:

• Opt out of a “scarcity” narrative. Instead of asking “Why don’t I have love in my life?” remind yourself, “My friends are kind, loving and loyal. I’m so grateful to have them. I feel loved.” Keeping a gratitude journal can help you be more thankful, even if you’re single.

• Surround yourself with those who uplift you. Spend time with people who discuss hobbies, interests and celebrate milestones, no matter how small. If you keep yourself surrounded by those who only complain about what they lack and how their own situationships are faring, you’re unlikely to grow your world.

The fear of being single can push us into relationships that don’t serve us. It’s okay to want a partner, but you cannot let go of everything and everyone in pursuit of that one person.

Remember, “single” is just a status. In reality, your world encompasses a lot more than your relationship status. You’re never truly alone if you nurture your relationships and nourish your soul with what makes you happy.

Do you have an overwhelming fear of being single or feel fulfilled enough to stop chasing love? Take this science-backed test to find out: Fear Of Being Single Scale

A similar version of this article can also be found on Forbes.com, here.