New Research Explains Why Breakups Feel Like They Were Meant To Happen

Hindsight might not always be 20/20. Turns out, your perspective on your past isn't as objective as you thought.

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | July 28, 2023

Relationships can be complex and unpredictable, and sometimes the ending of one can catch us completely off guard. Shedding light on this phenomenon, a study, conducted by researchers at the University of Wisconsin—Eau Claire, reveals the impact of hindsight bias on our perception of relationships. Hindsight bias refers to our tendency to believe that we "knew all along" that a particular event was bound to happen, but only after it has already occurred.

For the study, published in Social Psychological Bulletin, the researchers recruited 515 adults and presented them with a story about a fictional couple. The participants were asked to imagine different outcomes for the relationship based on the story. The participants were divided into three groups — a control group and two experimental groups — who were informed about either a breakup or a continuation of the relationship.

The findings revealed that participants who were informed about the breakup reported:

  1. Higher expectations of the breakup
  2. Perceived it as more obvious
  3. Rated the overall quality of the relationship more negatively

This indicates that knowledge of the breakup influenced their perceptions and judgment, leading to a more pessimistic evaluation of the relationship.

On the other hand, participants who were told that the couple did not break up, as well as those who were given no additional information about the relationship's outcome, rated the stability of the couple equally. This highlights how assumptions and a lack of information can shape the way we view a relationship's trajectory.

Taken together, these findings highlight the role of hindsight bias in appraising relationships and how we tend to perceive breakups as more predictable after they have happened.

A 2012 study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science suggests that there are three levels of hindsight bias, and each builds upon the other, from basic memory processes up to higher-level inference and beliefs.

  • The first level, memory distortion, pertains to mis-remembering an earlier opinion or judgment (such as saying, "I recall saying it would occur")
  • The second level, inevitability, centers on our belief that the event was inevitable ("It had to happen")
  • The third level, foreseeability, involves the belief that we personally could have foreseen the event ("I knew it would happen")

Here are two ways you can potentially escape this cognitive trap when thinking about relationships in your own life.

1. Mindful Reflection

Hindsight bias can significantly impact how we interpret signs and signals within a relationship by affecting our memory and perception of past events. When we fall prey to this bias, we tend to remember moments of disagreement or minor incompatibilities as glaring red flags, attributing more significance to them than they actually had at the time.

As a result, we might chide ourselves for not having recognized and acted upon the warning signs of an impending breakup. This biased perception often leads to feelings of regret, self-blame, and a distorted sense of our own predictive abilities.

But there are ways to counteract its effects and keep a balanced perspective. One helpful way is to become aware of the influence of hindsight bias. You can start by keeping a thought journal where you jot down your feelings in a stream-of-consciousness way.

Research published in Memory suggests that intentionally recalling your original judgment before learning the correct outcome can help eliminate hindsight bias. Therefore, having a written account of your evolving perspective can help in reminding you to evaluate the relationship based on the information you had back then, rather than what you know now. It's all about recognizing that your foresight has limits and that relationships are complex and full of uncertainty.

2. Seek External Perspectives

Our emotions have a way of influencing our judgment, causing us to interpret situations and behaviors in a manner that aligns with our desires or expectations. We might downplay or rationalize potential warning signs and challenges, while magnifying the positive aspects, resulting in an imbalanced assessment.

To counteract these challenges and maintain objectivity in a romantic relationship, it's important to seek alternative perspectives. Research suggests that considering alternative explanations for a given outcome can reduce hindsight bias.

In other words, seeking input from trusted others, such as friends or counselors, can offer fresh insights and alternative viewpoints that you may have overlooked. This can help you develop a comprehensive and unbiased understanding of the relationship, minimizing the influence of hindsight bias.

Conclusion

Hindsight bias can significantly influence our perception of relationships, leading us to believe that we foresaw the end long before it occurred. By understanding and acknowledging this cognitive bias, we can adopt strategies to mitigate its impact on our relationship evaluations. Getting into a relationship is like embarking on a journey — and embracing the present moment can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying partnership.