3 Conversation Topics To Be Extra Careful With In The Early Stages Of A Relationship
The talking stage can be full of twists and turns. Here are 3 checkpoints you need to address with care.
By Jourdan Travers, LCSW | September 19, 2023
Open communication is a valuable trait to nurture in any human relationship. This holds true for romantic relationships too, but many people tend to misunderstand what it means to communicate openly with a partner.
When it comes to a new relationship, it is important to recognize the "newness" of your interpersonal dynamic and give yourselves the time to learn about each other's past experiences and preferences at a pace that feels comfortable for both parties. Jumping too quickly into certain sensitive topics can lead to misunderstandings, misjudgments or even unwarranted fears.
This is backed by science. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that there are three topics that are landmines in an otherwise flourishing relationship. Here they are.
1. Sex Talk Is Great, But Not When It's About Your Previous Experiences
Conversations about what you like in the bedroom is an excellent way to build intimacy with a new partner. But here's the caveatkeep it playful and, most importantly, make it about the two of you.
According to the results of the study, many individuals prefer to avoid details of their partner's past sexual behavior. In fact, a significant portion (51%) of participants were more comfortable sidestepping such topics. The discomfort primarily arose when confronted with specifics like past promiscuity or attraction to previous partners.
These findings highlight the delicate balance between open communication and the potential pitfalls of oversharing, suggesting that in new relationships, the focus should remain on the present and building a shared narrative.
2. Past Infidelity Is Your Baggage To Process
The revelations of a partner's past infidelity can cast a long shadow over a blossoming relationship. The study uncovered a significant inclination among participants to steer clear of details surrounding a partner's history of infidelity. A notable majority of respondents expressed a preference to remain uninformed about past betrayals, which likely stems from perceived threats to one's self-worth and the stability of the relationship itself.
If you are tempted to reveal to a new partner that you have cheated in the past, ask yourself why.
Even if this is based on a desire to be honest with a new partner, probe deeper into your motivation for going through with it.
- Do you feel unworthy of your new partner, given your history?
- How do you expect your partner to respond?
- How would you feel if they revealed a similar story from their past?
Infidelity is a complex topic, and there are several psychological factors that lead up to it. For instance, you may have been in an unhappy or abusive relationship, the details of which your new partner may not fully be able to appreciate simply because they did not experience it firsthand. While that doesn't necessarily justify the act of cheating, try to work through the fallout on your own, with the help of a mental health professional equipped to help you process feelings like guilt or sorrow.
Remember, it is important to be kind to yourself. By dealing with the consequences in an independent and healthy manner, you work on developing the confidence to ensure that your past infidelity does not spill over into your current relationship.
3. Prejudices Are Best Unearthed Organically
Rose-tinted glasses are notorious for masking biases and prejudices. This goes both ways. So, to counteract this, you may feel it is your responsibility to reveal to your partner your strong opinions on certain sensitive issues. However, it is important to realize that as the relationship matures, the filters eventually fade, revealing each person's inherent belief system and how it manifests in the real world.
Speaking in hypotheticals about topics like political correctness, toxic masculinity and other potentially sensitive topics, especially when you don't know how your partner will respond to specific situations that play out in everyday life, is a slippery slope that could end in miscommunication. Or, at the other end of the spectrum, you may end up dealing with a wokefisher, who agrees with anything you say in the moment while doing a complete 180 when challenges arise.
The study underscores an apprehension among participants when confronted with their partner's prejudices. While it's essential to understand where your partner stands on critical issues, pushing for these revelations can be counterproductive. By allowing such topics to come up naturally, both parties have the opportunity to approach them with understanding and empathy, fostering genuine communication and growth.
A successful relationship thrives on the balance of acceptance and gradual self-disclosure. A recent study published in Human Communication Research supports this idea, emphasizing that the nuances in individual views become less volatile when framed within a trusted and well-understood relationship dynamic. Diving head-first into contentious topics early on can be akin to walking on a tightrope without a safety net. On the other hand, approaching these subjects when a strong foundation of trust and understanding has been established provides a cushion for inevitable differences and misunderstandings.
Conclusion
Navigating the beginnings of a relationship requires a delicate balance of vulnerability and discretion. While authenticity is essential, it is equally crucial to prioritize the mutual comfort and evolving trust between partners. By approaching sensitive topics with patience and care, couples can lay the groundwork for a resilient bond.